My #1 Concern with my Bear Ranch is...

things could get grizzly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drlolbl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My wife called me ranch today....

Cause I be Dressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mental_Act4662
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?

"Don't look! I'm dressing!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I was pissed when I lost my job at the horse ranch

I was told it would be stable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IshruggedItOff
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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When you finish all the ranch on your salad, you’ve effectively undressed the salad.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrsnufflewuffle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What did the ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door?

Close the door, I’m dressing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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My in-Law's just told us they bought a ranch named "Que Pasa Ranch."

I said, "YOO! That's what's up!"

Only my father in law laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psychofanatical
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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I wanted to ride horses so I went to a ranch near me.

When I asked if they have riding lessons they said neigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xSeVinx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I would tell you a ranch joke but

It’s still dressing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I think I will never have the Neverland-Ranch on my salad again.
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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To the ranch
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrEeban
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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A cowboy comes to his boss his ranch and says 'thats all 50 cows boss'. The boss answers 'how did you get 50? I only got 48!'

The cowboy answers 'I know, I rounded them up.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Anyone else hate ranch on pizza?

Like just when I think I’m about to eat a fine pizza, a farmer comes out with a herd of cows, and walks straight on my pizza.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrueomegaJF
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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what if I told you that cowboy clothes is just a fancy way of sayin ranch dressing?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bealosaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Took my son to a ranch for the first time, he never heard a foal neigh before and thought it was sick.

I told him it was just a little horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godredd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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My aunt showed up to our Halloween party wearing ranch bottle costume. She was an hour late.

Her response: Sorry, I was getting dressed.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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Did you know Caesar had a ranch on the thousand islands in north America?

I don't know why he called it a ranch they only grew lettuce.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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A day at the ranch
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BOBOUDA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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What do you call self-replicating ranch hands?

von Neumann's Own

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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What do you call it when you dip two celery sticks in ranch at the same time?

Double dipping

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exulansiss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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If I ever own a ranch in my old age

I'm definitely gonna call it "Pasture Prime"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jshrad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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After my very first visit to an authentic cowboy ranch, I had to go buy a wiener dog.

I mean, the folks there were so nice, and as I left, the guy told me, "Get a long little doggy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukethelogician
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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I used to work on a ranch that had 99 cattle

but when I rounded them up there was 100.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BecauseItAmusesMe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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While out at a cousins ranch....

Seeing a horse lick another horse:

Daughter: Daddy, that horse licked that other horse!

Me: Well you know what they say, love thy NEIGHbor!

Group except me: [groans]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guacamolium
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
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Why don’t you play poker on a ranch?

That’s where they raise the steaks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knight499
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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What do the broccoli say to the ranch?

I'm going to take a dip

Courtesy of my 10 year old boy, very proud of him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesummond
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
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Why are ranch homes bad at fortune telling?

They only have one story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dan_the_Man0904
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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The city boy asked the ranch hand how to tell a cow from a bull

"Just look underneath and count the dangly bits. If it's not one thing, it's an udder"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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What's Pizza Ranch?

My 12 year old son was riding with me the other day and noticed a new restaurant had just opened up in a town nearby. It's a chain of Western themed pizza restaurants called "Pizza Ranch." So when my son asked "What's Pizza Ranch?" I obviously had to respond with "Well that's where they raise all the dough."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Upnortwi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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Ranch dressing
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nomorecah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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I pour a tiny amount of ranch on my girlfriends plate

Her: "that's all I get?"

Me: "would you expect any less?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desertjedi85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2016
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What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?

"Don't look! I'm dressing!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I would tell you a ranch joke but

It was still dressing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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