Pretties Puns

Jack and the beans talk

Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

Must have cost him an arm and a leg

Oof.

the jokes in /r/mathjokes are number.

Oops, wrong place for this post

there's a vas deferens.

My son hates it... he always likes to tell me “dad! Stop! Smoking causes cancer”... I’m always disappointed to inform him, “No son. Smoking causes ashes”

It’s so good, that it rocks!

A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis

I heard that the underwater financial department is tanking. They started using the loan sharks.

I'm passive progressive

He's a wokstar

I told her it was important to do self checks for the loss of smell in the time of the pandemic.

Because I like to do the limbo

...I’m just after my money.

It always seems like someone is pulling the strings

I replied "I'll have soup, please"

https://youtu.be/vFI1k8P0aH0

Comment to give her sum motivation to continue :) ...but only if you want too :))

Then I noticed it only measures comrads.

Even if I say so myself.

Though it could just be a pigment of my imagination.

Sick

I think I might’ve pulled a mussel.

I lost my cool.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

“Batteries?” cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the Seashore.”

It’s not the best, but it is up there

But mine's betta.

Now I'm a sit down comedian.

I guess that's why I'm always reposting.

...but what is the opposite of yes?

On the other hand, you don’t.

She is now my Seoulmate

It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.

...that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!

But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.

I guess, "I'll catch you later" wasn't the right phrase.

If nobody's home, he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table

I'm not sure if it was a lamborghini

But I think it's OK

I heard it went viral

Nobody’s down with the sickness.

Me: "Thanks! I covered it in cane sugar!"

That's the kind of crap you remember

I don't get the difference.

I mean it surely is an icebreaker

You know, just for the halibut...

I'm at my lowest weight of the year so far

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

On the other hand, you don’t.