As English my second language, pretty proud of this one.
I got called pretty today.
...well, actually, the full statement was “you’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.
Why can't you feel anything for a pretty girl named anne?
Because all you get is the Anne Aesthetic
Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good
My Father in law has a pretty intimidating job.
My German friend is pretty big
I was pretty well off before my divorce settlement...
but now I’m in the lapse of luxury
First tattoo i ever did, it was pretty “hard” wink wink
I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. I’m pretty bummed.
Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!
Ngl I find it pretty funny
Take it easy people. Pretty soon you'll be able to kiss and have sex with the one you love.
But for now, stay at home and do it with the one you're married to.
I thought this was pretty good
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
Pretty fly for a white guy
Man last year was pretty bad, but at least I’m prepared for this year.
Because in this case hindsight is actually 2020
Getting rid of an annoying crease on a piece of paper is pretty easy.
All you have to do is wait, eventually it’ll crease to exist!
This year has been pretty terrible
Next year is looking better. Unfortunately the one after that is going to be Twenty Twenty too.
The Theory of Plate Tectonics is on pretty shaky ground.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was not worth the trip.
I accidentally stepped on my cats tail. The cat jumped, and I ended up kicking the table pretty hard. “Ouch!” I yelled
“YOU, ow?” The cat replied in disbelief.
“ME-ow”
I'm pretty bad at building fences..
Oops, wrong place for this post
What do you call a pretty girl from Georgia with a limp?
A peach hobbler.
(One of my kids favorites).
It's pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
While traveling internationally , I purchased a new car made in Prague for pretty cheap...
When I first started it, the Czech engine light came on!
Took a pretty good picture of the meteor shower a few days ago.
Just heard some pretty sad news about yard sticks
Did you know they aren't making yard sticks any longer?
I was texting this nun and things were getting pretty hot and heavy. Then out of nowhere she stopped replying.
I still can’t believe she holy ghosted me
Pretty unfortunate that October is now..
I’m pretty open to the idea of getting bionics
Honestly, I’d pay an arm and a leg for them!
I recently found out my wiener doesn’t work anymore. I decided to have a funeral since it’s pretty much dead now. My sweet wife asked if anything would make me feel better.
I replied, Perhaps mourning would...
I'm pretty sure the milk I drank was expired.
I’m getting pretty good at sleeping
Pretty stoked it's the weekend! Gonna relax and get drunk hans style...
Thought this was pretty funny
This pretty much sums of every applicant we’ve seen at the shop....Nah, hostess
Our house got hit with a pretty big storm last night and I lost 25% of my roof.
tbh, all the jokes in /r/dadjokes are pretty numb
the jokes in /r/mathjokes are number.
Darth Vader's suit seems pretty expensive
Must have cost him an arm and a leg
Not mine but hay, its still pretty good
Wow, the punchline was pretty shocking
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