"PLIP PLOPS."
What a disgusting creature I've raised beams with pride
Then he asked, βWhat about Tigger?β
"And Tigger?"
A turdle
"What about Eeyore?"
It stunk.
Le chaton
On an unrelated note I'm not longer permitted to participate in shitposting
...it really stinks.
Poodini
Im about to start a religious movement.
Which surprised me because I thought Australians usually boo meringue.
Notice there is no P in it.
Car π€
Asteroids
I took a deep breath and reluctantly explained it to him.
Clearly shocked he asked " and tigger?"
One night, I was too tired to move it out of the way when I had to pee. So I stood on the stool to tinkle. I now have my own streaming platform.
That shits bananasβ¦
It was a double-dooty.
Biting off more than you can poo.
Please!
j/k, love the guy but he likes to greet me with things like this:
"Hey, what would you call fake feces?"
"Sham-poo."
I told him I was going to post it here to see how it rates as a qualified dad joke!
A poo ma
Press Release:
Animal conservatory staff gave police descriptions of the suspect who flung feces from the marsupial and antelope enclosures at a visiting Yogi.
What can I say, the pay was peanuts
Sham-poo
Turducken
Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.
3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.
5/4 of people admit theyβre bad at fractions.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.
A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. βIβd like some wings and a pint of beer, please,β it says. βSorry, but I canβt serve you,β the bartender replies. βYouβre out of your head.β
A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'
A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.
A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. βWe donβt serve your kind here,β the bartender says. βWhy not?β one yogurt asks. βWeβre cultured.β
A friend of mine didnβt pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. Heβs an extremely aggressive janitor.
A guy walks into a bar, and thereβs a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, βWhat are you staring at? Havenβt you ever seen a horse tending bar before?β The guy says, βItβs not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.β
A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, βWhatβs with the paper towel?β The pirate says, βArrr! Iβve got a Bounty on me head!β
A turtle is crossing the road when heβs mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, βI donβt know. It all happened so fast.β
Armed robbersβsome say theyβre a drain on society, but youβve got to give it to them.
Barbersβ¦you have to take your hat off to them.
Can February March? No, but April May!
Cooking out this weekend? Donβt forget the pickle. Itβs kind of a big dill.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.
Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.
Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. Thereβs Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewisβ¦ Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?
Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!
Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape
... keep reading on reddit β‘It was a pretty spooky dooky.
dog turd who
Shampoo
A religious movement
My son asked me: "Where does poo come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable, but gave him an honest explanation.
He stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds, and asked, "And Tigger?"
I was a little uncomfortable, but gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a bit perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and askedβ¦ βand what about Tigger?
.. and my SO knocks on the door. She says, "Hey you need to hurry up, I've got a mountain cat situation out here."
Confused, I replied "What does that mean?"
She said "I'm a puma pants."
then itβs a soap opera
