Me: Dad, you're getting cramps because your potassium levels are low

Dad: K

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lazyeye888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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What do you call a dinosaur with a cramped neck?

A dino sore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ramilehti
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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What do you need to drink when you have a cramp

Sugarwater because it’s the best solution

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πŸ‘€︎ u/didgeridoopoo
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Why was the fungi so cramped?

It didn't have mushroom.

Edit: mushroomed to mushroom because I'm an idiot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimmer17101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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You know why the call them Menstrual cramps?

Because when a woman gets β€˜em, all the men know it’s time to take a stroll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jasonbice15
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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I flexed my glutes and got a cramp.

That was a pain in the butt.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Dad jokes proven to help with menstrual cramps

Me: My body is tearing itself apart.

My friend: Geez, don't overy-act.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ancientvoices
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
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My FIL said he has stomach cramps.

He told everyone he thinks he might be on his comma. All his daughters look at him in confusion. I'm dying laughing until he drops, "because I don't have a period."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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My wife was suffering from menstrual cramps, and in frustration cried out "I'm going to get a hysterectomy!"

I replied - "Shouldn't you get a hersterectomy?"

She groaned, but then agreed that I should post this here...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EngineerBill
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2015
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My wife recently asked if I wanted to watch the biodrama on the history of tampons,

I said sure, I love period pieces.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zardif
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling.

But it's definitely up there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mudpucket1969
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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What do you get after playing a lute for 10 hours straight?

Minstrel cramps.

Edit: (I'm sorry. Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor. Period.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MookieV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but it’s kind of cramped.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NudlePockets
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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While on international business travel, I had Ihop in Iran.

Should've waited to digest before the exercise, the cramps were a bitch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpark888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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I was in the middle of an interview and I thought it was going pretty well. Up until they asked "Tell us about yourself in a nutshell."

"Someone help! Please! I'm in a nutshell! It's small and cramped in here!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geng_r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Girlfriend hit her roommate with this one while she was out getting breakfast this morning.

Girlfriend woke up this morning and threw up and is cramping badly, so she took pregnancy test. I've had kids, been through this before, but it came out negative. Her roommate had been joking about my gf being preggo before she left to get breakfast, so my wonderful woman hit her with this one:

https://i.imgur.com/DCFyfQv.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoSaysCory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Why did we allow two period jokes on the front page of /r/dadjokes?

They're cramping our style!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kanninabu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2016
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Dadjoke from memory

Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.

.

(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?

My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.

He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"

I like to think he slept on the couch that night.

.

(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.

An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.

"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"

My dad thinks on it for a second.

"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

He got the job immediately.

(For those needing the reference)

.

Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morvick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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Just dadjoked my girlfriend

She was asking me all of these relationship questions for the heck of it and I hadn't been answering any of them. Well one of them was, "in a nutshell, how do you view yourself?"

I knee this was my chance and took it

I looked up and replied, "Cramped."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FenderPicker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
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I'm also a classical musician

I was practicing today and was experiencing some cramping in my hand

Me: "Man, Bach is really hurting my hand today" Father: "maybe you should Bach off, that should stop the pain!"

My reaction was a standard groan, and head shake...

EDIT: typos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deadlykorbra
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2014
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It's the little things.

My mom, my dad, and I started our journey across the US together in a Uhaul today. My mom likes to freak out. While in traffic, this happened.

Mom: Oh my god, why are we stopping?

Dad: Just a little bit of congestion.

Me: cough

Dad: Very good.

Me: Thanks.

Moments like these make a 26 hour drive cramped in a Uhaul together worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wait_No_Stop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2014
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I just found this subreddit, here's a couple of my favorites from dear ole' dad. I can only hope to be a blip of his greatness when I'm his age.

How do you kill a blue elephant?

  • With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?

  • Choke him till he turns blue, then use a blue elephant gun.

Did you know elephants paint their toenails to hide in bags of skittles? No? Have you ever seen an elephant in a bag of skittles? NO? WELL I GUESS IT WORKS!

All the guys in highschool band would call me a girl whenever my stomach would hurt after playing an instrument too long.

  • Why'd it hurt your stomach? Minstrel Cramps.

I brought a girl over once and her name is Jessica. My father has a pretty severe case of tinnitus where he hears about 5-6 different tones at any given time. She announced her name and he thought it was Melissa for a few minutes. Eventually she corrected him.

He stared at her blankly for a moment and then asked, "Why'd you change your name Melissa? I think Melissa is a much nicer name."

Goddamnitdadwhyyoudothistome.

These are only a few. I practice very hard every day with my friends to become as punny and corny as a father should be with jokes. Someday I'll make him proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CptSmackThat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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Dad got my sister who went LARPing over the weekend

My sister went to a LARP over the weekend as a bard and brought her ukulele. My dad had this to say when she got back

"You know, you better be careful running around the woods with your ukulele. You could get minstrel cramps."

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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My girlfriend is on her period.

We were laying in bed this morning and she was having cramps and said "I hate periods." I replied "Me too. Exclamation points are way better!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigslacker10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
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