What type of insect can't stop vomiting?

A sickada

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Her, at the bathroom, vomiting: Yuck, morning sickness!

Me: Wait, what??

Her: I’m pregnant, you know.

Me: I know, but why are you calling me sickness?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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My friend met the love of his life when the were both vomiting overboard after a rhinovirus hit their cruise ship...

It was a match made in heaving!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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If you vomit over someone.....

Is it called an acid attack?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/15Sid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Whenever my sprinter friend runs a race, he leans over and pretends to vomit

It's a running gag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joy3111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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There’s vomit on his shirt bruh
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ur-nan-clapped
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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My friend was leading his wild, shaggy-haired ox thru the mountains of central Asia when it projectile vomited all over his feet!

It yakked on his shoes!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I wanted to attend the seminar on vomit control.

Unfortunately, something came up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Knee's weak, arms are heavy, there's vomit on his sweater already, imgur.com/artJgE7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanburgundy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2017
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A vampire very violently vomits, looks down, and dies...

Because acid reflects.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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What do you call a croc filled with vomit?

a crocobile

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elleven_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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Two puddles of vomit are walking along the street one day...

Suddenly, one of them starts sniffling and getting all emotional.

The second asks, "why, what's the matter?"

The emotional vomit replies, "Just nostalgia - this is the place I was brought up..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlySupaFly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Why did the king vomit when he discovered the peasants were rioting?

Because he found them revolting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RegalGreyOx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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My dad always keeps fake vomit around for his dad-jokes. Got this picture on New Years day. (x-post aww)

"She partied too hard last night" http://i.imgur.com/3ZMRVFq.jpg

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadytradesman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
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the need for puns is dire...

I am requesting the shittiest, most terrible, most horrible dad level puns you can throw my way. Puns that would make others projectile vomit with their horribleness. Puns so aweful and sad, that it'd make me want to hug you and ask you....are you okay?

so send them my way. or there will be a severe....PUNishment...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirvanaspirit666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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I asked my professor if he was feeling any better he says he had VD yesterday ...

You know vomiting and diarrhea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeatherLeeAnn
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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"There's been a bit of an accident," I told my wife.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's our son," I replied. "He vomited all over the seats of your new car."

She shouted, "Well, why the hell did he do that? It's your fault!"

"It's your fault," I insisted. "You said I should take him out for a spin in it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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Sweat.

So my family and I were clothes shopping and when we got in the car afterwards, my mom said that something smelled like sweat. My dad turns and says, "well, ChikaChikaSlimShady just bought a sweatshirt!"

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
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Told my daughter about the time I was sick on Halloween

She has pneumonia and was not able to go trick or treating this year. I told her how was sick on Halloween once but I got into my mummy costume and went trick or treating anyway, vomited after going to one house and then went back home.

Daughter: "Wow Dad, you were dead-icated."

I am so proud of her. She is 6.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/throbbietherobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
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Wife was decorating the house for the fall

"I never know what to put on the fireplace mantle."

"You should put a bunch of Disney figurines on it, with the mouse in the middle... it can be the Mickey Mantle."

"I ... need to go vomit."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuzinrob
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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Sage dog advice from my father

My dad's friend has a dog that always gets carsick and throws up, and he was asking my dad for advice on how to keep her from vomiting every time they get in the car.

"You should let her drive."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_cheeky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2014
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