The doctors think I might have Corvid.
Wouldn't that just be ap-pollen.
Corvid 19.
He had a coughing fit.
CHESS PLAYER: did.. did you just swallow my knight?
Thought it was Corvid-19, but then bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Edit: Thanks for the cold, kind stranger!
A Bronchosaurus!
I think it's got tuberculocust.
I said "at least it wasn't a General of Corn". No one laughed except me.
Him: "Nah, I'm not getting sick. It's all in the head. Like allergies. I used to be allergic to pistachios, but now I'm not!" starts eating some pistachios
Me: "Did you really used to be allergic to them?"
Him: "No, of course not. That would be nuts!"
So being a /r/dadjokes kind of dad, naturally I told him, "My son, you are just like a drink from Starbucks... you're coffee." (works better verbally or if you're a bad speller).
Because it had tuber-culosis
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit ➡A little horse.
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
But nowadays, with Covid, you fart to cover up a cough.
These days we fart to hide the coughs
Great Expectorations
Had to visit a mall today. As I was standing on the escalator, someone coughed behind me. I turned around and noticed he was very near. We all know if you need to cough, you must cough far away. So I told him to FAR COUGH. And that’s how the fight started
...and then the coffin stopped.
Everybody went down with the fitness
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
Jack and the beans talk!
When I got there, I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?” Being I’m a Senior Citizen, I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing, gagging and turning green. When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?” The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!” So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s such a relief! My Doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my Urine for sugar!”
Because of the anti-HISS-tamine
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want
... keep reading on reddit ➡I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
I think it’s got car owner virus
The doctor says “You’re a little Weezie.” I told him if we’re moving on up he can be a little George.
I guess you could say the nations of the world were in a Cold War.
True story, I work in the health industry, get to ask these questions from time to time:
Me: Good morning (of course no matter what time of day it is)! I have 4 questions for you, let’s see if you studied for the test...
Patient: (most of the time, chuckle)
Me: Have you had a fever in the last 48 hours?
Patient: No
Me: Have you had a persistent cough recently?
Patient: No
Me: Have you been tested for COVID-19 recently?
Patient (sometimes): Yes
Me: Do you know the results of the test?
Patient (about 85% of the time): Negative
Me: You don’t know the results of the test? (Straight face behind mask)
Patient: It was negative
Me: (smile and chuckle showing through mask)
Patient: Ohhhh! I get it! (Laughs 95% of the time)
Me: Dad jokes have to happen... 🙂
/insert question #4 here, unrelated to said joke... heh
Why not a cough-fee instead?
I always learned it this way: “TB or not TB That is the congestion Consumption be done about it? Of cough of cough”
It caught the purrrona virus
In reality it's because he is an expert in coffin
A bronchosaurus!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
Now I fart to hide my coughs
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Nebraska...
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
Now I fart to hide a cough.
He said, "You have a wee cough?"
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
Now with Covid-19, you fart to cover up a cough
