A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Please dont call us grammar nazis
We prefer the term "alt-write"
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.
Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinals
It makes them soggy and hard to light
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
Blood and Organ related puns please
So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!
Thanks in advance :)
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
My girlfriend wanted to know what I look like with my glasses on but i told her I’ve been trying to find them for three days, she said “please I need to see”
I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses
Please practise safe aural sex.
You don't want hearing aids.
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
Please just take my money you deserve it
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
An ounce of quack please.
I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"
I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?
One Shark bucks latte please
Please destroy me for this monster ive created
Batman: “Alfred, please fill up the bathtub”
Alfred: “Sir? What’s a htub ”
Hey, don't go spoil Cyberpunk 2077 please.
I haven't played 1-2076 yet.
Watch your grammar please!
The double negative is a complete no no!
A ‘divine’ healer in his ‘miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."
With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"
John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."
The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"
John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs.
I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!
Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)
As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.
Thank you for reading and enjoy!
whiskey please
do you want ice with that?
Yes but can I get fresh ice please none of that frozen rubbish!
A moment like this just once please.
Please check if you flushed
5 y/o: “hey dad, make some more jokes please
dad: “why do i need to make more jokes? i’ve already made you
I’d first like to make sure this thing is working. If your name is Michael, please stand up.
That concludes the mike check
Please bring my x back, don't ask y :(
Rate my pun please (IG @the.punpage)
Introducing the new rhyme speaking Green Onion with the super tight back beat! Please welcome the one! The only---
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say ‘please’
I think that’s poor for four
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.
Which i think is poor for four
My Spanish friends little boy still can't say please....
And I think it's poor for four.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
My four year old has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
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