A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
Please destroy me for this monster ive created
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs.
bet y’all laughed i’m so farknee haha (someone end me please)
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. “My sheep are missing!” He cried. “My sheep are missing! Please help me!”
I said “that sounds like a ewe problem.”
Tree: "Please don't chop me down, i'm a talking tree!."
Lumberjack: "Well, I guess you will dialogue."
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...
Am I funny? Please tell me that I'm funny
Is this a repost? Tell me! I need to know! Please!!
What happens when you throw butter up in the air??
Butterflies
Hey Dad could you give me a hand please?
I already gave you two, so what's the third one for?
[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?
The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes.
Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.
But I am So. Stuck.
A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...
I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.
Thank you in advance! 🍔
Please tell me this is in the right subreddit
Hahahahaha bears don’t eat me please I have a wife and kid
Q: What’s does the polar bear sing in the choir?
A: Baritone
Me (at the numbers store): “Can I please purchase all of these averages?”
Clerk: “Sure, buy all means”
Admittedly a median joke, at best.
My son came up to me today and asked, "can you please stop singing Wonderwall?"
Help me think of spice puns please!
I love y’all but I jut don’t have thyme to think about them but please curry on without me
My first attempt at writing a dad joke. Please take it easy on me.
A dad joke.
How did I do?
Please stop joking about me
Please forgive me for my inability tp resist.
"Please, let me just be serious for one second!"
"Sir, changing your name for one second is ridiculous."
Please join me in remembering my sister, she would have been 28 today.
But she was born overdue and her birthday is next week.
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks
No sausage for me please ... I have a serious phobia!
Please refer to me by my pronouns
This, that, and the other
Excuse me, doctor - my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he please?
ICU baby, shaking that ass
Please hear me out. It’s not much, but it says a lot
Me: Dad please can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
A rich patient told his doctor that money was no problem: "Please give me some good news." "Okay then," said the physician...
"But I'll have to tell that to your widow."
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”
She kicked me out and said “The men I please are none of your business!”
Dude, can you please fetch me that pamphlet?
Duo please don’t come for me
When the waiter asked me what I wanted to drink, I told him a glass of water please.
Straight away he replies "still water sir?"
Yeah, like I'm suddenly going to change my mind.
Honestly, customer service these days.
A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"
I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"
He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."
Help I need a pun involving the name Chloe.. please help me
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”
She kicked me out and said “The men I please are none of your business!”
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