If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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This man approached me in the park. "Would you please help? My caribou is stuck in a gigantic puddle."

"Reindeer?" I asked.

He said, "Yes. Hence the puddle."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Suggest me some unique name idea for Graphic Design company please!!!

I don't know why I get the feel like you guys can suggest something really good

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayhanulSifat
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..

..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '

πŸ‘︎ 558
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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Please tell me the most obscure dad joke in your repertoire

I need this

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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I know these puns and the sub they came from deserve to be huckleburied in an unmarked grave. But please grant me Clemensy.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x000b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/varthalon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I have a picture with me standing and solar panels in the background. Please suggest something punny.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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Please destroy me for this monster ive created
πŸ‘︎ 738
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkdragon8169
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Please Help Me Out Here

Knock Knock

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WilliamIncubus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..

I really need to borrow some chairs.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Please, don't hate me.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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Please, please, tell me.
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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bet y’all laughed i’m so farknee haha (someone end me please)
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ytdistinct_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Please give me karma.
πŸ‘︎ 803
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πŸ‘€︎ u/badknees504
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. β€œMy sheep are missing!” He cried. β€œMy sheep are missing! Please help me!”

I said β€œthat sounds like a ewe problem.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clubberin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Tree: "Please don't chop me down, i'm a talking tree!."

Lumberjack: "Well, I guess you will dialogue."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ciaransheridan_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...

C

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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Am I funny? Please tell me that I'm funny
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sphynx724
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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Hey Dad could you give me a hand please?

I already gave you two, so what's the third one for?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Please tell me this is in the right subreddit
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ya-boi-445
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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My son came up to me today and asked, "can you please stop singing Wonderwall?"

I said maybe...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelrich129
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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Is this a repost? Tell me! I need to know! Please!!

What happens when you throw butter up in the air??

Butterflies

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parasharman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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Hahahahaha bears don’t eat me please I have a wife and kid

Q: What’s does the polar bear sing in the choir?

A: Baritone

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BriskyCheerio7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Help me think of spice puns please!

I love y’all but I jut don’t have thyme to think about them but please curry on without me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VvGalaxyvV
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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My first attempt at writing a dad joke. Please take it easy on me.

A dad joke.

How did I do?

πŸ‘︎ 317
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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Me (at the numbers store): β€œCan I please purchase all of these averages?”

Clerk: β€œSure, buy all means”

Admittedly a median joke, at best.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Please stop joking about me
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshithaa_mjay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Please forgive me for my inability tp resist.
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_second_choice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Please join me in remembering my sister, she would have been 28 today.

But she was born overdue and her birthday is next week.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arcadianchef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
"Please, let me just be serious for one second!"

"Sir, changing your name for one second is ridiculous."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oquana
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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No sausage for me please ... I have a serious phobia!

I always fear the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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Excuse me, doctor - my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he please?

ICU baby, shaking that ass

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CPike90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?

Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wm201439
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Please refer to me by my pronouns

This, that, and the other

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robbiewesters
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Please hear me out. It’s not much, but it says a lot

A lot

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrGhostBerg
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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Me: Dad please can you make me a sandwich?

Dad: Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiur
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She kicked me out and said β€œThe men I please are none of your business!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"

I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Help I need a pun involving the name Chloe.. please help me
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Honderdmusic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report

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