Pleasingly Puns

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

We prefer the term "alt-write"

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

"Eggcellent choice sir."

They asked me to please Hold. 💎🤲

"... and one for the road."

So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!

Thanks in advance :)

which I think is poor for four.

Mentos.

You don't want hearing aids.

I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses

Knock Knock

"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?

They said "please hold"

Alfred: “Sir? What’s a htub ”

I haven't played 1-2076 yet.

The double negative is a complete no no!

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

I really need to borrow some chairs.

She threw away all the w's.

I am working on a project for my SO for our wedding that involves puns from places all over the world- ie: “I’m glad Eiffel for you” in Paris. Please help a sister out with any city/country/location related puns you can think of!

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

Hey! I'm currently writing a novel. And I'm liking for a pun name based on a word that would suggest them not being real. Please don't give me the actual name. Please give me a word I can work with

do you want ice with that?

Yes but can I get fresh ice please none of that frozen rubbish!

Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)

Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!

I think that’s poor for four

Which i think is poor for four

And I think it's poor for four.

"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

Which I think is poor for four.