Please puns r my life
πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emotional_Plenty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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Please dont call us grammar nazis

We prefer the term "alt-write"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Major_Cupcake
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/x000b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Oh no please
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datpugluvr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

πŸ‘︎ 21k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/varthalon
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.

"Eggcellent choice sir."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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I just called GameStop Customer Service...

They asked me to please Hold. πŸ’ŽπŸ€²

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/myfourthuser04
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, β€œA beer please, ..."

"... and one for the road."

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Blood and Organ related puns please

So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like β€œbloody good luck” or β€œsorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!

Thanks in advance :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Massive-Lock-6048
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.

which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 374
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalbo_boii
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Please practise safe aural sex.

You don't want hearing aids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kimenon001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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My girlfriend wanted to know what I look like with my glasses on but i told her I’ve been trying to find them for three days, she said β€œplease I need to see”

I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabstain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Am I punny enough for the pun club?
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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Please Help Me Out Here

Knock Knock

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WilliamIncubus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."

"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Please just take my money you deserve it
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackson24me
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Dr please
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouscat887
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carr3iroh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly

Because communication is key

Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chizhi1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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An ounce of quack please.
πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D0NW0N
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I was left a package this morning. On the front in big red letters it said, "PLEASE DO NOT BEND"

I thought to myself, how the f**k am I supposed to pick it up?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Please support my onlyfrans! only-frans.com/irishguy
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dealonmusk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I just called my local game stop

They said "please hold"

πŸ‘︎ 148
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skifreeing
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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One Shark bucks latte please
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogzsquadarts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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Please destroy me for this monster ive created
πŸ‘︎ 740
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkdragon8169
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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Batman: β€œAlfred, please fill up the bathtub”

Alfred: β€œSir? What’s a htub ”

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterPrize
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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Hey, don't go spoil Cyberpunk 2077 please.

I haven't played 1-2076 yet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BbBTripl3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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Watch your grammar please!

The double negative is a complete no no!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BrainSpy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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A β€˜divine’ healer in his β€˜miracle’ ministry called, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed for, please come forward to the front."

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Please help
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xcognito
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..

I really need to borrow some chairs.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory?

She threw away all the w's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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PUN MASTERS OF REDDIT

I am working on a project for my SO for our wedding that involves puns from places all over the world- ie: β€œI’m glad Eiffel for you” in Paris. Please help a sister out with any city/country/location related puns you can think of!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SethameSeedless
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madhur_Gupta_nerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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I made this video in good humor only... please do not take it as offense in any way, shape, or form!

Life as a Stay at Home Dad (honest humor nothing against Stay at Home Dads)

As as an aspiring father figure, I have the greatest respect for dads of every kind. In fact, much of this stems from the fact I’ve grown up from the age of 6 without a father of my own. I made this video as a comical representation of what I hope to be one day: a guy full of dad jokes and such humor.

Thank you for reading and enjoy!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mosswyatt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Pun name help?

Hey! I'm currently writing a novel. And I'm liking for a pun name based on a word that would suggest them not being real. Please don't give me the actual name. Please give me a word I can work with

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
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whiskey please

do you want ice with that?

Yes but can I get fresh ice please none of that frozen rubbish!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Goldygold2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I need β€œBeau” puns!!

Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)

Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoblinQueen1998
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say β€˜please’

I think that’s poor for four

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oobedoo321
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.

Which i think is poor for four

πŸ‘︎ 557
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mattty_21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My Spanish friends little boy still can't say please....

And I think it's poor for four.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My four year old has been learning Spanish and still can’t say the word please.

Which I think is poor for four.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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