I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"
He thought I was "very punny"
He stepped on a landmine.
'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'
Because yesterday I lost my lighter.
I do tend to crack myself up
Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
...he even laughs sometimes
... just remember next year is 2022.
After all, it’s twenty twenty too
...it’s become real handy
If it had died in hot, it would have been hell!
She's just purrfect or else it would have been a catastrophe.
It really made his dais!
With all of this “car owner virus” going around
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
She picked her nose.
I call him bagdad.
...and I got to keep mine.
I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.
Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.
Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?
Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.
The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!
Thank you guys, I was prepared.
Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).
Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.
Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).
I don't even know where sandwiches live.
Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
The year of the dog has been quite.. Ruff ruff
Otherwise the #metoo movement would have been awkward.
It is so much more fun when you’re cheating on your wife
I just wish my kidneys became adultneys
Half the seats have already been snapped up.
Cause there is Gnocchi to open it
She told me to go sleep on the apri-cot.
But why every day?
"In the mail?"
It's pretty handy
That everyone reading this is on the same page.
Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.
