Child: Dad, I’m thankful for you on this thanksgiving.

Dad: Hi thankful, I’m dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhench78
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Geologists are always so thankful

They take nothing for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTVMixmix00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My Daughter told me yesterday that she was just thankful that I had inspired her to follow her dreams

Actually she just sits around, smokes weed all day and never calls me, but a Dad can dream.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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Lettuce be thankful no one was hurt!
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueOps
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you call a thankful amphibian?

A Thanxalotl.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iazay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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This Thanksgiving i am thankful for friends...

Especially the episode when Joey and Chandler get a duck.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaceInTheCloudz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
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We should be thankful for meteor showers...

... because "meteor bath" sounds like it would be devastating

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anaconda386
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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I'm just thankful that I'm not the first to think of this 3rd-level pun.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShinigamiDady
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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Tell you what, when I see a full moon, I'm thankful for my health. You see, I used to be a werewolf...

... but I'm alright nnnNNAAAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOO-AOW-AOW-AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

(Told this to my wife when we were walking through a city at night with a full moon and she actually ran off at full speed, leaving me stood there feeling like a moron...)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madlarkin001
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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I'm thankful for this great pun
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevincredible22
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My Father was really thankful for the scented candles I got him.

Turns out he really appreciates the scent of mint.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Siethron
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Pre-Dad joke. I'm thankful my mom didn't give up right there.

My parents were on one of their first dates back in the day driving down the highway. They passed a sign that said "Plant Entrance"

Dad - "But..where do the people go in?"

Mom still groans to this day when she tells it. She should've known she was doomed

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goaskalice3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
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Being Thankful

My friend's dad just dropped this: "We should take a walk through the cemetery and be thankful we're not there."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/looneytunes2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
🚨︎ report
My neighbour died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully didn’t suffer.

It was instant.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How does a French weeb say thank you?

Merci Goku

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bastelnd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Thank God that nipples exist.

Because without them, boobs would be pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JY200115
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Lady: Thanks for the letters, mailman

Mailman: You're welcome, female woman.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the zoo and seen a baguette in a cage.

The zoo told me it was bread in captivity.

πŸ‘︎ 620
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prpeach
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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I need an adult, pls & thank u
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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β€œThanks dad”
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScoopSnuffelaar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?

They only have a pair of trunks.

-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCVisNih
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I failed my medical school entrance exam last week, thanks to nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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Thankfully, hindsight is now empirically 2020
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePowderhorn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Thank you for getting me through college, student loan providers.

I don't think I can ever repay you.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I confronted a mime today.

He did unspeakable things.

Thank you for the awards. You made my day πŸ˜ƒ

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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I thanked my student loans for getting me through college.

I just don't know how I could ever repay them!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Just a quick Thank you!

I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beauknits
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine needs skin grafts for surgery, but thankfully, he doesn't need donors.

That's no skin off of my nose!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
"Thanks for the gold, kind stranger"

I said as I was taking away his dental implant.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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Sorry this isn’t really a joke but I wanted to say thanks

I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!

Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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My wife said "I look fat, give me a compliment"

I said "you got perfect eyesight."

πŸ‘︎ 500
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taff-Price
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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It’s been years since the show ended, and I’m a little annoyed that people are still making β€˜Friends’ references.

No one told me life was gonna be this way.

πŸ‘︎ 119
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Thanks man
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dumboooo_
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Popeye write to the Italian food company Bertolli, thanking them for everything they’d done?

They made olive oil spread.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tango91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wanted to help me make some bread, so she offered to "proof" the dough for me.

"Really?" "Sure," she said.

"It's the yeast I can do."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl

...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.

Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '

Thank you for the awards

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Ham boogers.

I know, I know, snot funny.

-Edit- Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Thanks, Bonnie Tyler
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jfixthemasterofm
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to give thanks?

To present it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sonnysoncere
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife thanked me for being patient

I replied, "What else would I be? The doctor?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damnleafer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you

This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you πŸ’–

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcixjames
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrikkWikkid5150
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I’d like to thank Merriam-Webster for teaching me the meaning of the word β€œplethora”.

It really means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A man in my gym just proposed and she said no.

They didn’t workout.

Edited: It changed to they.

Thanks lornstar7

πŸ‘︎ 275
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zthazel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🀩

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopass_voice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh?

Nothing. It’s on the house!

πŸ‘︎ 296
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatal_fame
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a word that doesn't rhyme with itself?

Football, chocolate... I dunno, lots of things don't rhyme with "itself".

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UristMasterRace
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!

In the M section, right after mist.

Thanks HAI

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashers132
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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My 5yo blew us away with this original that he came up with all on his own. What do you call two ice dragons?

Twice dragons.

Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use β€œWreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyouβ€˜s for the kind words and awards.

πŸ‘︎ 303
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jruff84
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

πŸ‘︎ 18k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I need β€œBeau” puns!!

Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)

Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoblinQueen1998
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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We should thank heaven for nipples.

Without them boobs would be pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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