Dad: Hi thankful, I’m dad.
They take nothing for granite.
Actually she just sits around, smokes weed all day and never calls me, but a Dad can dream.
Especially the episode when Joey and Chandler get a duck.
... because "meteor bath" sounds like it would be devastating
... but I'm alright nnnNNAAAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOO-AOW-AOW-AWWWOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!
(Told this to my wife when we were walking through a city at night with a full moon and she actually ran off at full speed, leaving me stood there feeling like a moron...)
Turns out he really appreciates the scent of mint.
My parents were on one of their first dates back in the day driving down the highway. They passed a sign that said "Plant Entrance"
Dad - "But..where do the people go in?"
Mom still groans to this day when she tells it. She should've known she was doomed
My friend's dad just dropped this: "We should take a walk through the cemetery and be thankful we're not there."
It was instant.
Because without them, boobs would be pointless.
Mailman: You're welcome, female woman.
The zoo told me it was bread in captivity.
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
The correct answer was blood vessels.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
He did unspeakable things.
Thank you for the awards. You made my day 😃
I just don't know how I could ever repay them!
I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!
That's no skin off of my nose!
I said as I was taking away his dental implant.
I just wanted to thank everyone here. My mom has been in the hospital with the virus and being able to send her jokes from here has made her laugh (we both really like puns!) so I just wanted to thank y’all for the fun jokes you post. I know it doesn’t seem like much but it has been very nice to be able to share them with her!
Edit: thank you so much for the awards and well wishes! I 100% did not expect this to blow up like it did and I’m so glad for y’all’s support!!
I said "you got perfect eyesight."
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
They made olive oil spread.
"Really?" "Sure," she said.
"It's the yeast I can do."
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit- Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
To present it
I replied, "What else would I be? The doctor?"
This isn't a dad joke. This is a thank you to everyone on this subreddit. 6 weeks ago the love of my life broke things off with me due to factors attributed to my mental health (which i didn't tell her about because she is struggling with uni and i didn't want her to worry) and I've been having an extremely difficult time coming to terms with it. She's falling for another guy while I've been self destructing to the point where she never wants to talk to me again. But i found this subreddit today, the jokes are so stupid and funny that for the first time since before the breakup, I've laughed and it was genuine. Thank you so much for your stupid jokes. You've saved my life as far as I'm concerned. I still have a long way to to, but this subreddit is definitely going to get me through it. Thank you 💖
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
It really means a lot.
They didn’t workout.
Edited: It changed to they.
Thanks lornstar7
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
Nothing. It’s on the house!
Football, chocolate... I dunno, lots of things don't rhyme with "itself".
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
Twice dragons.
Update: honestly thank you everyone, you guys are totally making this kids day! Distance learning in kindergarten has been rough and he misses seeing his friends pretty hard, so when I told him about this (I was able to use “Wreck-It Ralph : Ralph breaks the Internet” and buzz tube with likes/hearts as a reference) he’s been smiling from ear to ear nonstop since! A million thankyou‘s for the kind words and awards.
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeast🙏🏻❤️
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁
Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)
Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!
Without them boobs would be pointless.
