I’m both proud and ashamed of this one.
πŸ‘︎ 169
πŸ‘€︎ u/MakachuPikachu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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I'm ashamed
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/okie-bubba2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Wife: "Why are you shouting?"

Me: "Because you're on the other side of the road. "

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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I’m not even ashamed that I enjoyed this
πŸ‘︎ 879
πŸ‘€︎ u/Niffer13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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I made a 20/20 vision joke and I'm ashamed

I will SEE myself out

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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I am ashamed of myself
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/venetayDVDy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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I'm ashamed of myself...
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/BumoProductions
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2019
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I’m ashamed I never thought of it

True story: today at work, I was getting ready to discharge a patient from the recovery room after surgery, and I asked β€œhow do you feel?”

Without hesitation he replied β€œwith my fingers” and the old guy in the next bay chuckled and yelled β€œgood one!”

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ‘€︎ u/USMC0317
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I'm a little ashamed of myself for this. Just a little.
πŸ‘︎ 145
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2016
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I should be ashamed. imgur.com/1BO34k3
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ‘€︎ u/thelewis564
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2017
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Why was the pterodactyl not ashamed to use the toilet?

It’s β€œP” is silent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/mystermag
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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My first lame dad joke, I don't know if I should be proud or ashamed.

My 3 year old daughter recently began to ask questions about everything - before she just went on with our routine.

Today we told her we should go get some lunch. She said "what is lunch?" - as in, "what are we having for lunch?"

I went on to to explain to her what lunch is; at what time it's had, how it is placed in the mouth with utensils, how the food is chewed, etc.

She just stared at me with a blank face of utter confusion. I can't wait until she starts to get these and actually finds them annoying.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProjectManagerAMA
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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I'm actually ashamed that I didn't intend for this to happen

Friend A, while pulling up his pants in aggravation, said, "I need to get a belt."

I responded, "I have an extra belt if you need it. I've actually been meaning to throw it away."

Without hesitation, Friend B chimed in with, "...but he didn't want it to go to waste."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ‘€︎ u/spight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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I just Dad Joked myself. I'm ashamed

This all mainly involves my actions and thinking to myself.

So I'm cutting my nails with clippers, the clipping seem to travel at a pretty high velocity then cut.

anyway, at one moment I had the clippers facing away from me, meaning my nails were pointing at me. When I cut, the clipping flew up and hit me on the eyelid, felt very close to going in.

That's when I thought:

"Shit, I almost nailed myself in the eye"

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ‘€︎ u/frecklejam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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I am ashamed to admit the following occurred during project management training today:

We had begun a section on 'change management', and to prove his point, the facilitator challenged us to try to name one thing that does not involve change.

I proudly shouted out "A CREDIT CARD!"

He looks at me and asks, "A... credit card?"

I reply, "Yes. There is no change when paying with a credit card..."

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ‘€︎ u/Utsis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
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I don't know if I'm proud or ashamed

Little brother touching some chains:

Sister: Stop touching those, Jack

Me: Yeah, chain on you!

Brother: That might have been the worst joke I've ever heard...

I'm not a dad but right there I felt like one

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/VaultGuardian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
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I'm ashamed I said this tonight...

Me: Take that sticker off your shirt before you put it in the hamper.

Daughter: I'll put it on a piece of paper to save it for tomorrow.

Me: Throw it away, it won't be sticky tomorrow. By then it will just be an "-er".

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeroCool79
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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I'm ashamed to say this got me laughing too....

Fr0stman: Dad why is gay marriage such a big issue?

Dad: Because people are fucking assholes :D!!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fr0stman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
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I'm so ashamed of myself

I dad joked my 3 year old daughter.

Me: What do you want for dinner? her: I don't know. Me: I don't know how to make that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/huskerpat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2013
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