Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
...he even laughs sometimes
If it had died in hot, it would have been hell!
...it’s become real handy
She's just purrfect or else it would have been a catastrophe.
It really made his dais!
With all of this “car owner virus” going around
She picked her nose.
I call him bagdad.
What with all this talk of car-owner virus
...and I got to keep mine.
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
I don't even know where sandwiches live.
Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.
I just wish my kidneys became adultneys
I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.
Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.
Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?
Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.
The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!
Thank you guys, I was prepared.
Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).
Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.
Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).
She told me to go sleep on the apri-cot.
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
Cause there is Gnocchi to open it
The year of the dog has been quite.. Ruff ruff
It is so much more fun when you’re cheating on your wife
Otherwise the #metoo movement would have been awkward.
Half the seats have already been snapped up.
But why every day?
Whatever I did, I'd be Russian.
If they're good, they suck. If they're bad, they suck.
"In the mail?"
It only took a million years.
I've always been doing mine at the cemetery
.. you would never be able to retire.
Right before he died...
It's pretty handy
That everyone reading this is on the same page.
Otherwise I'd have some pretty dim innuendos.
