A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2021
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I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/x000b
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2021
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Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?

I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/varthalon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2020
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A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2021
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Please Help Me Out Here

Knock Knock

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WilliamIncubus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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Please destroy me for this monster ive created
πŸ‘οΈŽ 738
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/darkdragon8169
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 28 2020
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If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..

I really need to borrow some chairs.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_houser
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2019
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bet y’all laughed i’m so farknee haha (someone end me please)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ytdistinct_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2020
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Please, don't hate me.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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Please, please, tell me.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wubbalubbadubdub_2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
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My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. β€œMy sheep are missing!” He cried. β€œMy sheep are missing! Please help me!”

I said β€œthat sounds like a ewe problem.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/clubberin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 12 2020
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Tree: "Please don't chop me down, i'm a talking tree!."

Lumberjack: "Well, I guess you will dialogue."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ciaransheridan_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
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Please give me karma.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 802
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/badknees504
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 23 2019
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In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...

C

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2020
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Am I funny? Please tell me that I'm funny
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sphynx724
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2020
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2020
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Hey Dad could you give me a hand please?

I already gave you two, so what's the third one for?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2020
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Is this a repost? Tell me! I need to know! Please!!

What happens when you throw butter up in the air??

Butterflies

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/parasharman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2020
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Please tell me this is in the right subreddit
πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ya-boi-445
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 16 2019
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Hahahahaha bears don’t eat me please I have a wife and kid

Q: What’s does the polar bear sing in the choir?

A: Baritone

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BriskyCheerio7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2020
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Me (at the numbers store): β€œCan I please purchase all of these averages?”

Clerk: β€œSure, buy all means”

Admittedly a median joke, at best.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pj566
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2020
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My son came up to me today and asked, "can you please stop singing Wonderwall?"

I said maybe...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/michaelrich129
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2018
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Help me think of spice puns please!

I love y’all but I jut don’t have thyme to think about them but please curry on without me

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VvGalaxyvV
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2019
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My first attempt at writing a dad joke. Please take it easy on me.

A dad joke.

How did I do?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 310
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_shit_disturber
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 02 2019
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Please stop joking about me
πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/harshithaa_mjay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2019
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Please forgive me for my inability tp resist.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 95
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_second_choice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2019
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"Please, let me just be serious for one second!"

"Sir, changing your name for one second is ridiculous."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Oquana
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2019
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Please join me in remembering my sister, she would have been 28 today.

But she was born overdue and her birthday is next week.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arcadianchef
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2019
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No sausage for me please ... I have a serious phobia!

I always fear the wurst

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BadPuppyZA
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2019
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Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?

Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wm201439
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 24 2019
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Excuse me, doctor - my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he please?

ICU baby, shaking that ass

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CPike90
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 17 2019
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Please refer to me by my pronouns

This, that, and the other

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/robbiewesters
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 01 2019
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Me: Dad please can you make me a sandwich?

Dad: Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/amiur
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2019
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I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She kicked me out and said β€œThe men I please are none of your business!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2019
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Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.

They stole the sticker and left the car.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2019
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A rich patient told his doctor that money was no problem: "Please give me some good news." "Okay then," said the physician...

"But I'll have to tell that to your widow."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2019
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Dude, can you please fetch me that pamphlet?

Brochure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MonotonousProtocol
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2019
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Duo please don’t come for me
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_Pellucidity_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2019
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"

I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2018
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Help I need a pun involving the name Chloe.. please help me
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Honderdmusic
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 13 2018
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I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?”

She kicked me out and said β€œThe men I please are none of your business!”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TeeFarkas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2019
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