A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
ποΈ 16k
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οΈ Jan 22 2021
I admit itβs a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
ποΈ 65
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οΈ Feb 12 2021
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
ποΈ 21k
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οΈ Oct 20 2020
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
ποΈ 44
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οΈ Feb 20 2021
Please Help Me Out Here
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Dec 31 2020
Please destroy me for this monster ive created
ποΈ 738
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οΈ Jul 28 2020
If anyone is alone this Christmas and has nobody to spend it with, please let me know..
I really need to borrow some chairs.
ποΈ 23
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οΈ Nov 15 2020
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
ποΈ 12k
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οΈ Aug 02 2019
bet yβall laughed iβm so farknee haha (someone end me please)
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Aug 13 2020
Please, don't hate me.
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Jun 08 2020
Please, please, tell me.
ποΈ 43
π
οΈ Jul 10 2020
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. βMy sheep are missing!β He cried. βMy sheep are missing! Please help me!β
I said βthat sounds like a ewe problem.β
ποΈ 16
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οΈ Jul 12 2020
Tree: "Please don't chop me down, i'm a talking tree!."
Lumberjack: "Well, I guess you will dialogue."
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Aug 30 2020
Please give me karma.
ποΈ 802
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οΈ Oct 23 2019
In times like these, laughter is essential. I don't have much, but for the ever vigilant mod team and you, the subscribers of /r/DadJokes, please allow me to offer this open letter...
ποΈ 25
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οΈ Jun 12 2020
Am I funny? Please tell me that I'm funny
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Apr 27 2020
[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?
The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes.
Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.
But I am So. Stuck.
A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...
I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.
Thank you in advance! π
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Jan 31 2020
Hey Dad could you give me a hand please?
I already gave you two, so what's the third one for?
ποΈ 13
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οΈ May 13 2020
Is this a repost? Tell me! I need to know! Please!!
What happens when you throw butter up in the air??
Butterflies
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Jul 07 2020
Please tell me this is in the right subreddit
ποΈ 58
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οΈ Dec 16 2019
Hahahahaha bears donβt eat me please I have a wife and kid
Q: Whatβs does the polar bear sing in the choir?
A: Baritone
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Feb 28 2020
Me (at the numbers store): βCan I please purchase all of these averages?β
Clerk: βSure, buy all meansβ
Admittedly a median joke, at best.
ποΈ 5
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οΈ May 18 2020
My son came up to me today and asked, "can you please stop singing Wonderwall?"
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Dec 18 2018
Help me think of spice puns please!
I love yβall but I jut donβt have thyme to think about them but please curry on without me
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Sep 26 2019
My first attempt at writing a dad joke. Please take it easy on me.
A dad joke.
How did I do?
ποΈ 310
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οΈ May 02 2019
Please stop joking about me
ποΈ 58
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οΈ Aug 17 2019
Please forgive me for my inability tp resist.
ποΈ 95
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οΈ Jan 18 2019
"Please, let me just be serious for one second!"
"Sir, changing your name for one second is ridiculous."
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Dec 06 2019
Please join me in remembering my sister, she would have been 28 today.
But she was born overdue and her birthday is next week.
ποΈ 35
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οΈ Aug 26 2019
No sausage for me please ... I have a serious phobia!
ποΈ 28
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οΈ Jul 21 2019
Me: Iβd like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I donβt need that many, only one thanks
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Nov 24 2019
Excuse me, doctor - my husband was rushed in with violent spasms in his buttocks. Where is he please?
ICU baby, shaking that ass
ποΈ 49
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οΈ Apr 17 2019
Please refer to me by my pronouns
This, that, and the other
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Dec 01 2019
Me: Dad please can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Sep 08 2019
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress βExcuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?β
She kicked me out and said βThe men I please are none of your business!β
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Jul 11 2019
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Oct 20 2019
A rich patient told his doctor that money was no problem: "Please give me some good news." "Okay then," said the physician...
"But I'll have to tell that to your widow."
ποΈ 6
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οΈ Sep 25 2019
Dude, can you please fetch me that pamphlet?
ποΈ 16
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οΈ Mar 14 2019
Duo please donβt come for me
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Apr 15 2019
A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"
I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"
He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."
ποΈ 4k
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οΈ Feb 09 2018
Help I need a pun involving the name Chloe.. please help me
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Aug 13 2018
I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress βExcuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?β
She kicked me out and said βThe men I please are none of your business!β
ποΈ 25
π
οΈ Jun 23 2019
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