“I play a little guitar!"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
Ruff.
The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Like bro you were there!
His friend replied, "That would be a pain in the ass."
“Sir, you gave me an extra!” he says. The beekeeper replies “Oh, that’s a freebie”
"NO, We don't!!!" replies the barman.
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
But no one believes me when I say Iran.
^(For everyone confused, Iran is in between Iraq and Afghanistan on a map.)
"I'm a huge metal fan"
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".
I told him it’s Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied “papa dumb”
So we got some punch and left. This joke kinda fell flat since their wasn't even a punchline to begin with.
How much do you whey?
Granny replied, "Never mind the pills. Have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?"
I tell them the answer is simple...Toboggan!
My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.
They get surprise to know that I have a dad-a-base
The other responds: "Well, I'm a big metal fan".
The guy says "no, just the one"
I said " Chucky Cheese"
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
Officer: “Yes, that’s assault!”
Man: “I know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”
I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!
Cause he was 2 squared
I look him dead in the eyes and reply, stonefaced
"None. Thier hooves can't form patties."
The friend replied, " No buddy".
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
The librarian replies, "It rings a bell, but I don't know if it's here or not."
The other responds, "Yes, but we cantaloupe."
Because they always leave you hanging.
Pirate replies, "Yar, been driving me nuts."
Ruff.
Like bro you were there!
