Paste Puns

Because you Ctrl V

Because ketchup sus.

Pasta al dente!

Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today. Larry Tesler, the inventor of copy and paste died today.

Don’t worry I still have a tahini bit left

A plaguerizer

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for the use of words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless." A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location. This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

Here goes...

.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

.. The batteries were given out free of charge.

.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

.. A will is a dead giveaway.

.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

.. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

I was over at my MIL's with my wife and my MIL's boyfriend. We got on the subject of how my wife hates cold, chunky food. The rest of the conversation went like this

Mbf: "They make a toothpaste for that. It's called sensodyne.

Wife: " I have tried it, but it didn't work."

Me: "No. It's sensodyne, not Trident."

I also think I stopped my wife from punching the Mbf, because he hates him and he always thinks he has the answer to thinks. So... dadjoked stopped my wife from assaulting someone.

Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"

Me: "Oh, why?"

Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."

My how the stables have turned.

Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!

He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."

Looks like it was a Christler

And things got a little tense.

“See that cemetery kids? That must be a really nice one.”

“Why do you say that Dad?”

“People are just dying to get in there”

The man replied, “Why thank you kind sir, but my name’s not Frost.”

They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

But hey, hindsight is 2020

Nun!

It might be farmer Geddon.

Natcho-cheese.

I try.

She stops and ask "What?"

- "Your speed!"

She glares at me and says: "Dad, you lost something!"

- "What?"

- "Your hair!"

Oof.

True story.

Because their lives are in ruins

'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.

'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.

Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.

Nein

"Hey, I know you!"

I guess that's where I draw the line.

Halloumi

but now, I'm not so sure

They look awful but it's a small price toupee.

I don’t know why

Doctor has diagnosed I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

I don’t know what to make of it.

That’s a lot of wasted votes

I used the beans to bean the beans.

“Why do aunts get all the glory? What about uncle-tiques?”

🙄🙄🙄😑😑😑

I knew she was tall....as I live on the 2nd floor.

I said to myself "That's an offer I can't refuse"

I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”

It has an ex-axis and a why-axis.

She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'

And I can't seem to find country music.

I think I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.

...it was tense.

Things got a little tense.

It was tense

Things got a little tense