Pasteur Puns

He was a scholar of bayou chemistry.

She said no, just above the knees.

'No, just up to your neck'

Our milk lasts the rest of this decade!

Its pasteurized before you see it.

Too far to see.

Dad: Hey, do you think that pool water is pasteurized?

Me: Why would they pasteurize the pool water?

Dad: If you scoop some up in in your hands and splash it on your face then it would be past your eyes!

I work in the pizza department at a local grocery chain. While working my co-worker answered a call from a customer. Not sure of the answer to the customer's question he turns and asks me if the cheese we use is pasteurized.

My response of course: "Depends how high it's stacked."

He responded with, "Its when something is really far away so its "past-your-eyes'd"

'Pasteurized milk' in sign language is 'Milk' Past your eyes.

Pasteurized milk

You get to watch their lives flash pasteurize.

Pasteurize (past your eyes)

Pasteurize

When its pasteurize

It’s pasteurized before you know it.

"Dad, what does pasteurised mean?"
Dad picks up milk carton.
"Well this is milk,"
He slowly moves the carton past my sisters face.
"...and now it's past-your-eyes-'d milk"

The Dairy Heir

Yesterday a lady was wondering what type of cheese she should put on her sub so I recommended the Swiss cheese because, as I put it, "The Swiss cheese is always really neutral".

The worst part is she didn't even laugh.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

When I got into the tub, I asked my gf to pour milk into the tub with me. She questioned, "pasteurized?" No honey, just to my waist please.

You put it out to Pasteur.

Lady left the Milk Man a note on her empty milk bottles, asking him to come see her before he left.

Milk Man comes by, reads the note, goes up to the lady’s house, knocks on the lady’s door and says, “you wanted to see me?”

Lady says, “yes, I read that taking milk baths is good for your skin, so I’d like for you to bring me enough milk to fill my bathtub, can you do that?”,

Milk Man says, “I sure can, would you like that milk pasteurized?”

Lady says, “no, just up to my nipples would be good”.

One blink and they are pasteurize

Milk, it’s pasteurized before you can even see it!

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Milk. Its pasteurized before you can see it

Because its pasteurized before you see it.

Milk! It’s pasteurized before you even see it!

Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Pasteurized milk

Because it’s pasteurized before you see it.

It’s pasteurized before you ever see it.

Milk- it’s pasteurized before you see it

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

Milk, because it's pasteurized before you see it

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

It's pasteurized before you know it.

It’s pasteurized before you even see it.

It's pasteurized before you even see it!

Because it's pasteurized before you ever see it.

Milk....because its pasteurized before you see it.

Milk

It's pasteurized before you see it!

It's pasteurized before you even see it.