Vaccine puns of mixed quality
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︎ Feb 27 2021
Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation
When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
I want to tell a vaccine joke
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︎ Feb 18 2021
Watching the movie ' Grease ' to take my mind off some vaccine side effects, however..
I got chills..they're multiplying.
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︎ May 10 2021
I failed miserably trying to make the nurse laugh while getting my first dose of the vaccine.
She told me to come back in a month for another shot.
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︎ May 14 2021
My vaccine dad joke failed
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
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︎ May 03 2021
Since the vaccines are kept at -80 celsius they inject them through...
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︎ Jun 02 2021
Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...
It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Apr 16 2021
My vaccination appointment was cancelled because they ran out of the vaccine I need for 2nd dose.
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︎ May 06 2021
If you and your buddies should all get COVID vaccines and the doses need to be kept in freezers...
then you're cracking open a cold Bud-Pfizer!
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︎ Apr 29 2021
Vladimir Putin said Russian vaccines are as reliable as ak-47
Now, no one will refuse to take a shot
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︎ May 07 2021
I went to the doctor to get a splint for my sprained finger and instead got the COVID-19 vaccine.
I guess, I had a little vaccident.
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︎ May 18 2021
I asked the nurse giving me my covid vaccine if she moonlights as IT
because she seems really good at installing antivirus!
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︎ May 16 2021
I tried to make a joke about vaccines during the trump era
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
My wife asked, βIf someoneβs body just isnβt fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?β
I told her I think itβs worth a shot
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?
Well at least they took a stab at it.
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︎ Apr 01 2021
What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Pfizer!
Sagat Tiger
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︎ Apr 20 2021
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.
They call it Modernaty leave.
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︎ Apr 04 2021
My Dad got his Covid vaccine in his leg
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA
Should see it as an opportunity
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︎ Feb 13 2021
After getting my first vaccine I asked the nurse what super power do I get, but she just looked straight through me.
Looks like I might have invisibility!
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︎ Apr 06 2021
Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine β8 mileβ
Because you only get one shot.
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︎ Feb 02 2021
My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine
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︎ Mar 24 2021
Told my kid that I was taking my Mom to a Covid Vaccine event at the convention center.
They said, βOh, a mass shooting.β
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︎ Apr 14 2021
My friend found out she was pregnant shortly after getting her covid vaccine
I'm calling it the Inoculate Conception
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...
Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.
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︎ Mar 01 2021
The Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are based on mRNA.
Could someone say that we're shooting the messenger?
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︎ Mar 21 2021
The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers
They keep asking for dose dos
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry
While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
This is thanks to their no tears formula.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Chuck Norris didn't have to the the vaccine
COVID had to vaccinate against Chuck Norris
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︎ Mar 16 2021
Donβt expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
Iβm really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
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︎ Feb 26 2021
The power went out when I got my COVID vaccine, and I got lost in the building.
It was a shot in the dark, but I found it!
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︎ Feb 27 2021
I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."
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︎ Feb 26 2021
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
I got a fake medical ID made to get the COVID vaccine, but I was rejected
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Scientists in Dublin are assisting in the research for a covid vaccine.
They are known as the Fighting Virish
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︎ Jan 26 2021
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
I was going to tell you a vaccine joke
But some of you wouldn't get it...
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︎ Mar 04 2021
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