Vaccine puns of mixed quality
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HiggsGoesOn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Apparently the COVID vaccine causes constipation

When I got mine the other day they told me I had to wait 3 weeks to get number 2.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oscargamble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

you only get one shot

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ways_and_means
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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I want to tell a vaccine joke

But some won't get it

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crimsonangel68
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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Watching the movie ' Grease ' to take my mind off some vaccine side effects, however..

I got chills..they're multiplying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
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I failed miserably trying to make the nurse laugh while getting my first dose of the vaccine.

She told me to come back in a month for another shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatDubzz
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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My vaccine dad joke failed

But it was worth a shot

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balogny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.

Turned out they already had the auntybodies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thyminecraft
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Since the vaccines are kept at -80 celsius they inject them through...

A hypothermic needle

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
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Yesterday I received my second round of the Russian covid-19 vaccine...

It appears completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveя, and I feelshΞΊΞΉ Ο‡oρoshό я Ρ‡ΡƒΠ²ΡΡ‚Π²ΡƒΡŽ сСбя Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ странно ΠΈ я Π΄ΡƒΠΌΠ°ΡŽ, Ρ‡Ρ‚ΠΎ Π²Ρ‹Ρ‚Π°Ρ‰ΠΈΠ» ослиныС ΡƒΡˆΠΈ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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My vaccination appointment was cancelled because they ran out of the vaccine I need for 2nd dose.

It's disappointing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamer_
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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If you and your buddies should all get COVID vaccines and the doses need to be kept in freezers...

then you're cracking open a cold Bud-Pfizer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emeraldqueen24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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Vladimir Putin said Russian vaccines are as reliable as ak-47

Now, no one will refuse to take a shot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I went to the doctor to get a splint for my sprained finger and instead got the COVID-19 vaccine.

I guess, I had a little vaccident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Equal-Bus-557
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I asked the nurse giving me my covid vaccine if she moonlights as IT

because she seems really good at installing antivirus!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/APDeath99
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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I tried to make a joke about vaccines during the trump era

but no one got it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...

but it does give me paws.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.

I guess it's worth a shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixfd64
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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My wife asked, β€œIf someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”

I told her I think it’s worth a shot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnizzle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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Aww man. Did you hear that Johnson and Johnson messed up the their vaccine?

Well at least they took a stab at it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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What covid vaccine did Sagat from Street Fighter take?

Pfizer! Pfizer! Pfizer!

Sagat Tiger

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChadRStewart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.

But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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My employer now gives two weeks off to recover from the vaccine.

They call it Modernaty leave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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My Dad got his Covid vaccine in his leg

His Pfizer killing him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Premier55
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
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Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA

Should see it as an opportunity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wibie90
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
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After getting my first vaccine I asked the nurse what super power do I get, but she just looked straight through me.

Looks like I might have invisibility!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EnglustPoet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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Heard they are calling that Johnson and Johnson vaccine β€œ8 mile”

Because you only get one shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/El_cptan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine

I sent her this

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wreckingjew
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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Told my kid that I was taking my Mom to a Covid Vaccine event at the convention center.

They said, β€œOh, a mass shooting.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Videoptional
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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My friend found out she was pregnant shortly after getting her covid vaccine

I'm calling it the Inoculate Conception

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Johnson&Johnson just announced that M&M will be the spokesman for their new Covid vaccine commercial...

Cuz you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to go. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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The Pfizer and Moderna vaccines are based on mRNA.

Could someone say that we're shooting the messenger?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philamignon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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The second COVID vaccine causes a speech disorder in Spanish speakers

They keep asking for dose dos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheJadedSF
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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Studies show that the Moderna and Pfizer vaccines are causing people to cry

While this is minor, doctors haven't seen this side effect with the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

This is thanks to their no tears formula.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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Chuck Norris didn't have to the the vaccine

COVID had to vaccinate against Chuck Norris

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sal_Mandeni
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.

I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...

I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.

Pfizer killing me now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadistaMac
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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The power went out when I got my COVID vaccine, and I got lost in the building.

It was a shot in the dark, but I found it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meltingavocado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I told my wife I was going to accompany her to get her Covid Vaccine, and see if they could do mine as well. She said they probably wouldn't. I replied, "I don't know..."

"It's worth a shot!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRockingDead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
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I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.

If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.

My wife: Who did?

Me: Yep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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I got a fake medical ID made to get the COVID vaccine, but I was rejected

It was worth a shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inTRONet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Scientists in Dublin are assisting in the research for a covid vaccine.

They are known as the Fighting Virish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SplashbackDeuce
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...

If they survive, the vaccine is safe.

If they don't, the country is safe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I was going to tell you a vaccine joke

But some of you wouldn't get it...

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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