A farmer’s son asked why people have celiac disease

The farmer replied β€œbecause these people hate my grains”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/x97tfv345
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2021
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What do you call it when a robot gets lung disease?

Cystic-Fibre Optics

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RogueVogueDino
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2021
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I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 274
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/christiescrubbs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 27 2021
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Crohn's is a really shitty disease.

Literally. And figuratively.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aamysyl
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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My monkey friend says that he can use martial arts to fight off disease. I think he's tricking me and he says

Ape will fu ills

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TrueAidooo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2021
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Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "

Bartender: "Get your shots here !!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 04 2021
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Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 740
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 15 2020
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Life is a terminal disease....

....and it's sexually transmitted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease

We're called "Gluten for Punishment."

Our first single is "Bread or Alive."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scrranger11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 28 2020
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I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...

Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2021
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A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for

But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.

And as his secretary says...

No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheRichTookItAll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2021
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Doc: "Sir, you've caught a very rare disease. "

Me: "How rare?"

Doc: "You pick the name.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 141
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 06 2020
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Have you heard about the disease you get from kissing birds ?

It's called Chirpies. It's a canarial disease. It's untweetable.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2020
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What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies ?

Twobearculousis

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 05 2020
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What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?

He gets a taste of his own medicine.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/David_Umann
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
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What disease do old pirates dread most?

Arrrrrrrrthritis.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Musicferret
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 05 2020
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I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".

They were right. I should have waited until next week.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 73
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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CDC declares Diarrhea to be a genetic disease

It runs in your jeans

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/annthaknee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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I was just diagnosed with Mime disease...

I'm speechless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2020
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What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?

Fouchy!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MyLifeHurtsRightNow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 25 2020
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I have this disease where I can’t stop signaling to planes for help.

The doctor told me my symptoms are flaring up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2020
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What do you say if you find a person trying to poison someone with celiacs disease

I’ve caught you bread handed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/EmmaOwl
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 10 2020
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What’s the coolest disease or condition one can die from?

Hypothermia! It’s the coolest way to go.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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People say smoking will give you diseases...

But how can they say that when it cures salmon?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
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What do you call someone who worships diseases?

A plague-an

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OniLewds
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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What disease do crows get?

CORVID-19.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wspoons5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
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I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/srirachase
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2020
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Doctor: You have a disease that causes memory loss.

Me: Is it contagious?

Doctor: Is what contagious?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 83
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2020
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Does anyone know if that Corona Virus goes well with Lyme Disease?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SleepWouldBeNice
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2020
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I’ve been diagnosed with a terrible disease that makes me tell an abundance of airport jokes...

The doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kippergills
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2020
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What is the most concerning thing about Lyme Disease?

New cases have lately been on an uptick.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FernandoLH95
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2020
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The new Nas album King’s Disease may not have been the GOAT

But it is GOUT

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Barefoot-JohnMuir
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 24 2020
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Did you hear about the new disease caused by oregano?

Herbies

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.

It didn't go viral.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2020
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My doc said I shouldn't be making puns on diabetes its a serious disease..

I said I can't help it doc, its a pun-creatic disease.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IfuM52
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 22 2020
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What do you call a dwarf convict with a debilitating skin disease?

A lepercon

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2020
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When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2018
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What's the worst combination of two diseases?

Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea . You're running but you don't know where .

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uglyric
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 29 2020
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I’ve got this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it’s terminal

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

I think it may be terminal

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

My doctor says it terminal

πŸ‘οΈŽ 359
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2020
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I have this awful disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it’s terminal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

My doctor says it's terminal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 94
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes.

The doctor says it's terminal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "

Barman: "Get your shots here."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

my doctor says it's terminal

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/growupyall
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2020
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I've got this awful disease where I can't stop telling airport jokes

The doctor says it's terminal

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bgreenwood95
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report

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