My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making sickness puns.
I did nausea saying something like that.
Schools today are serious about keeping sickness away. They even sent the espresso home today.
Because it was a little coffee.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
What do you call a Chinese sickness?
beer sickness
here in denmark, we don't have to worry about the corona virus..
we do worry about tuborgculosis
My phone plays every song except "Down with the Sickness"
I guess that's because it's in "Do not Disturb" mode.
What kind of sickness do thicc pirates get?
Her, at the bathroom, vomiting: Yuck, morning sickness!
Me: Wait, what??
Her: I’m pregnant, you know.
Me: I know, but why are you calling me sickness?
Yiu have come down with the sickness
Have you ever had the feeling that you've had the same sickness before?
What do you call decompression sickness after a car that was crushing you is removed?
My wife is pregnant and she's feeling morning sickness...so I had to take a stand...
So I told our told our baby, "You're grounded! Go to your womb!"
What do you call it when a pig gets air sickness?
What is called it when you get motion sickness on a submarine?
The sickness that isn't easily cured.
I kept forgetting to post this here, it's been years since this happened, but...
While sitting out on the back porch with my parents and some of their friends as they sip on drinks, my mom kicks my dad by accident and immediately says "Sorry, sorry, it's my restless leg syndrome."
My dad quickly but smoothly replies, "That's ok honey, you put up with my restless middle leg syndrome."
Groans were had among the wives while laughs were had among the dads. I was left in shock for a few minutes while I tried to remove that image from my head.
Lady Gaga was recently hospitalized in Colorado with altitude sickness
"I guess she was too high." - Dad.
[META](x-post from r/science) The curse of dadjokes.
I was amazed to learn that making awful jokes could turn into a disease. I thought this subreddit might be interested.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160308-the-curse-of-the-people-who-cant-stop-making-puns
Sorry I couldn't think of a sick pun for this post.
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because they’re full of anty bodies
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
As an immune deficient person, anti vaxxers make me sick
Guy's doctor tells him he's sick. He says "I want a second opinion."
Doc says "Okay, you're ugly too."
Did you hear Santa got really sick from going down the chimney?
Yeah, they think he caught the flue.
Why do vampires seem sick?
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
I’m sick of having great little ideas all the time, I think I have...
Where in Europe are you most likely to get sick?
The vet told me my parrot was sick...
...he has chirpes.
'What's that?'
'It's a cararial disease... and, by the way, it's untweetable.'
What do you call a sick bird from Mars?
What does Kanye West wear when he is sick?
What antibiotic does a sick Italian take?
"Daddy, is my pony sick?"
"No sweetie, She's just a little horse."
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
The boat is sick
We gotta take it to the dock.
How Did Louis Pasteur Know You Can Get Sick From Germs in the Mississippi?
He was a scholar of bayou chemistry.
Boyfriend is sick of my shit lol
Where does a horse go when it gets sick ?
A horse-pital.
Ha. Ha. Just kidding....They get shot.
Where do Peek A Boos go when they get sick?
Why don't cows get sick?
They have a good immooon system
I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid.
I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid.
I called the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff.
After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor.
He nodded and said "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!!
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
My girlfriend said she's going to call out sick today
I said, " that's not going to work."
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
What do fish do when they get sick?
My horse is sick with COVID.
But don’t worry, he’s in stable condition.
Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick?
My girlfriend said, “I’m sick of it. You are always pretending to be a Transformer!”
I said, “But wait, I can change!”
Did you hear about all the Bears getting sick in China?
They say eating raw meat can make you sick
People with Covid make me sick
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Why don't ants get sick
Because they have little antibodies
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
I get sick on work days only
Because I have a weekend immune system
What do you call a sick eagle?
Why did the vampire seem sick?
For some reason I always get sick during holidays.
I must have a weekend immune system...
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
Must be the high Mercury content.
What do you do with a sick boat?
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