My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making sickness puns.
I did nausea saying something like that.
What sickness effects pasta?
Schools today are serious about keeping sickness away. They even sent the espresso home today.
Because it was a little coffee.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
What do you call a Chinese sickness?
beer sickness
here in denmark, we don't have to worry about the corona virus..
we do worry about tuborgculosis
What kind of sickness do thicc pirates get?
Yiu have come down with the sickness
Her, at the bathroom, vomiting: Yuck, morning sickness!
Me: Wait, what??
Her: I’m pregnant, you know.
Me: I know, but why are you calling me sickness?
Have you ever had the feeling that you've had the same sickness before?
What do you call decompression sickness after a car that was crushing you is removed?
My wife is pregnant and she's feeling morning sickness...so I had to take a stand...
So I told our told our baby, "You're grounded! Go to your womb!"
What do you call it when a pig gets air sickness?
What is called it when you get motion sickness on a submarine?
The sickness that isn't easily cured.
I kept forgetting to post this here, it's been years since this happened, but...
While sitting out on the back porch with my parents and some of their friends as they sip on drinks, my mom kicks my dad by accident and immediately says "Sorry, sorry, it's my restless leg syndrome."
My dad quickly but smoothly replies, "That's ok honey, you put up with my restless middle leg syndrome."
Groans were had among the wives while laughs were had among the dads. I was left in shock for a few minutes while I tried to remove that image from my head.
[META](x-post from r/science) The curse of dadjokes.
I was amazed to learn that making awful jokes could turn into a disease. I thought this subreddit might be interested.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20160308-the-curse-of-the-people-who-cant-stop-making-puns
Sorry I couldn't think of a sick pun for this post.
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
How does a dart board on the ceiling make you sick?
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are always sick on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weekend immune system.
What do you call a popular person who gets sick?
What did the religious donkey say to his sick friend?
Why don’t ants get sick?
They have little anty bodies
(Courtesy of my fellow dad LT)
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because they’re full of anty bodies
There were 30 cows and 28 chicken. How many didn't?
What is it called when a writer is sick of writing?
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
They finally found out what makes dog sick
Where did Luke Bryan take his infant when he was sick?
Which one of the bees do all the sick bees in the beehive go to?
My cat was just sick on the carpet,
I don’t think it’s feline well.
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.
She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."
My girlfriend's walked out on me, saying she's sick to death of my healthy, but boring diet.
Never mind though, plenty more fish in the freezer.
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?
Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.
It made me sick that my chimney started falling off the house.
Luckily I caught the flue
Sick of everyone’s swiney comments about my ring
My wife just broke up with me. She's sick and tired of my constant Zodiac puns.
It Taurus apart. I'm in Pisces typing this.
I am sick and tired of people calling me lazy, so I'm going to kill myself.
But, the gun is all the way over there.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!
How do you feel when you get sick after eating Mediterranean food?
What did the skeleton do when he got sick?
I think my dad's getting sick of the Bernie memes. He also did not appreciate my response.
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
I fall sick every time I try to journal
I must be allergic to diary
I'm starting to get sick of driving on icy roads.
Up until now I was willing to let it slide.
I want to tell a vaccine joke
Why does my wife always check the kids temperature when they're sick?
Because the therdadeter doesn't work near as well.
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Why don’t ants get sick
Because they have Ant-ibodies
Why don't ants get sick
Because they have little antibodies
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