Schools today are serious about keeping sickness away. They even sent the espresso home today.
Because it was a little coffee.
My phone plays every song except "Down with the Sickness"
I guess that's because it's in "Do not Disturb" mode.
Yiu have come down with the sickness
Her, at the bathroom, vomiting: Yuck, morning sickness!
Me: Wait, what??
Her: I’m pregnant, you know.
Me: I know, but why are you calling me sickness?
Have you ever had the feeling that you've had the same sickness before?
The sickness that isn't easily cured.
I kept forgetting to post this here, it's been years since this happened, but...
While sitting out on the back porch with my parents and some of their friends as they sip on drinks, my mom kicks my dad by accident and immediately says "Sorry, sorry, it's my restless leg syndrome."
My dad quickly but smoothly replies, "That's ok honey, you put up with my restless middle leg syndrome."
Groans were had among the wives while laughs were had among the dads. I was left in shock for a few minutes while I tried to remove that image from my head.
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
I was driving my new Toyota down the street and some kid said 'sick car'
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
Which one of the bees do all the sick bees in the beehive go to?
My cat was just sick on the carpet,
I don’t think it’s feline well.
I'm sick and tired of people coming into my house, trying to sell me books, and then just marching out and leaving the door wide open.
Were these people born in a Barnes and Noble or something?
I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.
She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?
Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.
It made me sick that my chimney started falling off the house.
Luckily I caught the flue
What did the skeleton do when he got sick?
I think my dad's getting sick of the Bernie memes. He also did not appreciate my response.
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Why does my wife always check the kids temperature when they're sick?
Because the therdadeter doesn't work near as well.
Did you hear Santa got really sick from going down the chimney?
Yeah, they think he caught the flue.
I’m sick of having great little ideas all the time, I think I have...
The vet told me my parrot was sick...
...he has chirpes.
'What's that?'
'It's a cararial disease... and, by the way, it's untweetable.'
The boat is sick
We gotta take it to the dock.
How Did Louis Pasteur Know You Can Get Sick From Germs in the Mississippi?
He was a scholar of bayou chemistry.
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
What island in Thailand has the most sick people?
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
Why did the vampire seem sick?
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
Did you hear about all the Bears getting sick in China?
My horse was very sick so I had to take him to the vet.
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
Did you hear about the man that got sick from eating a bag of liquorice a day?
I'm really sick of all the jokes about socialism. It's just not funny.
Unless everyone gets them.
Abandoned... so you could almost say the owner was sick of this ship.
Have you heard about all the sick hams?
Don’t worry, they are cured now.
A man goes to the doctor because he has been feeling sick for weeks
The doctor examines him, sprinkles salt and spices on him and just like that, he's cured.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
What do sick people drink in the mornings?
What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
- Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
Why did they bury the sick box underground?
why was the clock afraid it would get sick?
because its hands were constantly touching its face
Sick eagle crossed the border without a passport
The Prime Minister of NZ's kid gets sick at school.. What does the Principal decide?
The first Karen to get sick was..
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian.
They’re immediately taken back to a room.
Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.
“This must be a mistake,” the man says. “I’ve been here only 20 minutes!”
“No mistake,” the doctor says. “It’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.”
What happened to the fruit that got really sick?
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
[At the restaurant] Her: I want to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
My horse was very sick so I had to take him to the vet.
Thankfully, he’s in a stable condition.
A sick eagle crossed the border without a passport
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