Disgusted Puns

Sitting down having dinner with my wife and girls (1,3,4) and my three year old says “Do you know what my baby does?!” And she made her doll do a backflip on the table. And almost as if instinct, I said “well do you know what my baby does?! MY BABY TAKES THE MORNING TRAIN...” and I hit them with the whole of Sheena Eastons song during dinner.

It was perfect.

Ewe do ewe.

It's too gross.

The cash-ew

grosseries!!!

Eau de colon.

People selling fruits and vegetables are definitely grocer.

It won't happen again

It was disgusting on so many levels.

but it grows on you.

Think I could do it syruptitiously?

.......Over my shoulder!!!

It just isn’t on the same level as homemade and restaurant food

They stay low key (Loki).

Because heavy metals are toxic.

(I -22f- have created this joke when i was 15, I was waiting for an opportunity to disgust people with it. So here you go reddit lol)

The Dentist said: "Wow your teeth are disgusting."

The man cried

Then..

The Dentist said: "Geez.. you don't have to be that sensiteeth."

"It's chipped!" Tears of pride and joy

Teacher: “So I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: “Now I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: “Okay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, “now see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

I think that's called an ad homonym attack.

A woman walked into the kitchen one day and saw, much to her horror, her husband sitting at the table with blood all over most of his face, his chest, hands, arm, and on the table. She watched for a moment, shocked, as he began pouring barbeque sauce on his arm where most of the blood was coming from.

"Stop that! What are you doing!? What happened to your arm?!" She finally managed to scream as she unjammed all the words trying to flow out at once.

Her husband looked at her with a disgusted frown and a shake of his head and replied "I've made a terrible me-steak"

The guy behind the counter said to my dad, "Are you going to put it up yourself?".

Dad replied, "Don't be disgusting, I'm going to put it in the living room."

Say EU real fast.

It had a hare in it.

I was so shocked I nearly choked on my toenails.

I said, no it's offal.

1:44, because it’sa gross

Gross Domestic Product

It was one big pyramid scheme.

It has such a gross vocabulary.

I told them "people who sell fruits and vegetables grocer"

I said, “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

I replied, people who sell fruit and vegetables to eat are grocer

But apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

Dad: People who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

I said people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

I replied: people who sell fruit and veg are grocer

(Borrowed indefinitely without permission from @pakalupapito)

I said people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer

I replied, people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.

Teriyucky.

But people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.

But apparently people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer