I've been agonizing over this for months now, there's SOMETHING that's deeply offputting about my body, I can see it in the faces of those I interact with, the hesitance others have to even address me in the first place, the general exclusionary nature of those I attempt to socialize with.
But at the same time, I've taken my measurements and nothing seems THAT far out of the ordinary.
Height: 6'0
Weight: 175 lbs
B/W/H: 40/32/39
Shoulder blades: 15.5 inches, I can't recall the bideltoid measurement
Obviously measuring my skull is a bit harder, but I know my midface ratio is 1.2, and while my brow ridge seems prominent when standing side by side with my brother his is WAY more prominent than mine.
But SOMETHING is off. I can see it in the mirror, and I can perceive that others see it too when they interact with me and it causes them to quickly distance themselves from me. I'm trying to figure out what it is so I can get a facial surgeon to fix it. I have a feeling it IS the brow ridge, another possibility is my jaw is too wide yet undefined, either due to the masseter muscles being too developed or the jawbone itself simply being weirdly shaped.
I attached a pic of myself but I can't seem to find the issue.
Another thing is that while my bust of 40'' seems kinda typical for my height, somehow it seems both atypically wider AND atypically deeper than a ribcage should logically be. I can't seem to figure out what could be causing that, is that even a possibility while still giving a normal measurement?
Lately, I was thinking a lot about how I feel actual disgust when I see people wearing masks, despite being a tolerant person who dislikes the idea of socially shaming others for absolutely any reason at all for their choices, just as I despise being shamed for mine. Certainly I have heard many arguments made for why other people masking is inappropriate, including things like it reinstates mass fear, it serves as pro-COVID propaganda to remind us to behave, we cannot see their emotions, we associate masking with oppression in the Western world, and so on. I'm sure there is great validity to all of these thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.
But something in the analysis has been missing. Some critical component of the feeling of absolute, visceral, gut-churning disgust I feel when I see people wear masks.
And then it dawned on me as I was walking around a few days ago; I realized that masked faces were eliciting a phenomenon known as being in "the Uncanny Valley."
For a great little video on the phenomenon that really explains this, watch (it's 2 minutes long):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNdAIPoh8a4
Or, to explain in words (but in no way as effective as to watch the video and see the images), the theory of the Uncanny Valley in brief, comes from AI and robotics, and is a feeling of visceral disgust when the line between the human and the not-human (but looks-sort-of-human) blur. For example, an old, clunky robot that is obviously fake is kind of fun and cute. But an AI humanoid robot that is missing a few vital elements of "human" causes a well-known feeling of disgust or revulsion.
>The term was first coined and described by the Japanese roboticist Masahiro Mori in an article published in 1970. In his work, Mori noted that people found his robots more appealing if they look more human. While people found his robots more appealing the more human they appeared, this only worked up to a certain point.
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>When robots appear close but not quite human, people tend to feel uncomfortable or even disgusted. Once the uncanny valley has been reached, people start to feel uneasy, disturbed, and sometimes afraid...
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>... Mori used a number of examples to clarify this idea. An industrial robot has little human likeness and therefore generates little affinity in observers. A toy robot, on the other
Let me give you as full a picture as I can:
Earlier today around 2pm I'm sitting in my apartment doing nothing. I'd say the room is about 75% messy. I'm not showered. I'm wearing one of the 4 shirts I currently own, none of which have been laundered in 3 weeks. I realize that I haven't gone to refill my meds, which is a likely explanation for why I feel terrible (I get withdrawals).
And then... I just sit there. Feeling like shit. For a while too, like maybe 15 minutes. I know what will make me feel better, and I just keep sitting in the chair suffering through it. I tried talking to myself, I said "c'mon man go get the meds you'll feel better" and I immediately shot back at myself "I don't deserve that".
I eventually went and got the meds and an hour after taking them I felt better. I'm so frustrated though, what ever made me think it's wrong to meet my own basic needs for decent living?
It turns out the beings that discovered us are having a similar reaction.
I had a game against Skaven the other day and we were confused about how my ability to make my opponent re-roll 6s to wound interacts with their ability to re-roll wounds. If they re-roll a failed wound into a 6, do I then get to make them re-roll that 6? I would think not as you can never re-roll a re-roll, but we weren’t sure. Also, going the other way, if they roll a 6 first, then are forced to re-roll it into a fail, will they get to re-roll that?
The term "samvega" is often mentioned in Theravada, but I have not seen it used by Pure Land teachers. However, I have often come across phrases like "revulsion towards the Saha World" (as in this video from Master Jingzong). Is this the same concept under a different name?
Hi everyone. First of all, sorry if my English is bad, I'm French.
Since I was a kid I always had a deep hate for almost all eras of the 20th century. Especially between the 1920's and 1980's. Everytime I listen to music from these decades, or watch any movies etc... It makes me uneasy. I imagine myself living during these times and I feel like suffocating. Like I hated everyone, everytime. As if I never belonged to this century.
But then, why do I feel so much hate? I don't think our current time is better. The only recent century that I loved was the 19th. Things weren't great either but for some reasons, it calls to me. I also love medieval times (11th to 16th), old mesopotamian civilisation, the Greek golden age and Egypt. The older the better.
Do you think it's related to a past life?
Like I can't be near them at all without going crazy
The B plot was pretty silly on its face. They haven’t, up to this point, had Seven stand in such close proximity to other characters, even when she’s been conversing with them or working on projects, so it was WAY too contrived in the context of what the plot called for. And Harry...gee whiz. I know Garrett Wang had to be happy to be a regular cast member on a network series, but he had to be rolling his eyes on this one. It’s Season FOUR and you still got him acting like some goofy kid around the newest woman on the ship (I mean, it IS Seven of Nine, but still).
And I found Paris’ attitude to be oddly incongruous with how “welcoming” he was to Seven just a couple of episodes ago (which I also found “funny” considering he’d also just come out of an argument with B’Elanna)
So that's it. After sharing our lives for 23years, this is all it amounts to. He is my only relationship. The second boy I kissed. My first and only everything else. I'm 36 and can't shake this schoolgirl notion where the deepest part of me screams out that I was made to be his, and he was made to be mine. Fate. Destiny. Forever. Nothing.
My mental health has taken such a pounding after literally being driven to a mental institution due to the gaslighting, that I have been off work longer than FMLA's protection. I will likely lose my job this week. I've been the breadwinner our entire relationship. By a considerable amount. I have some emergency savings, but he's eaten into half of it to fund his pretend bachelor apartment and lifestyle this past year while living his double life.
He has changed all passwords to everything. He broke his phone to eliminate the possibility of recovering anything. He's very clearly still entangled with his girlfriend (or something else he is desperate to keep secret). He hasn't blocked her contact. He's returning to work on the 21st this month. Thejr relationship started and flourished at work. Oh, and in case it wasn't abundantly clear, he wants to divorce. From his attitude, it appears he arrived at this decision several months ago and has fully moved on from the pain and hurt and loss of what I thought we had. What we were supposed to be.
I've been staying at an Airbnb for a few weeks. It was so hard to leave him in our marital home. But he was being so verbally abusive and hostile.
We can't afford to continue living apart. I'm returning home later this morning.
Why can't I stop being in love with this man? I don't want to start over. Everything that is happening now is literally every worst nightmare I've had. It's everything I always knew would happen.
And now, more traumatized and damaged than ever, with zero luck trying to detach from him, how am I ever going to move on from this? I feel so severely fucked up and broken with an overwhelming amount of complex baggage and emotional trauma. I already had that stuff in spades before his long term affair. But I was working on it. Too little too late, I suppose.
But I've been aggressively treating my hang ups for over a decade. I tried so hard to be different from what felt natural to me so I could be healthy and available for him. I wanted to be a good wife for him. I changed who I was for him.
And now? He'd rather leave me than love me; or help fix what he br
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Like I (HLF51) just can’t anymore. Can’t even fake it. I look at him and I can feel my lip snarl and my eyes roll. I think of the years I just ached for him to want me, and I don’t even know why. And yes. I know it’s time to leave. It’s never that simple, but I am achieving some wicked clarity right now. Can you relate?
Minor spoilers for Metro 2033 follow.
Post-apocalyptic isn't my favourite game genre, but I've certainly played in a decent number of desolate and grim worlds in my time. From Fallout to Mad Max, these partially destroyed landscapes make fantastic places for unique world building and environmental design, with mutated parasites and oversized insects being part and parcel of this genre, which is something I've become used and somewhat desensitised to as I've got older.
I didn't blink twice when I installed Metro 2033 Redux, then, as I thought I'd seen pretty much everything this fictional setting could throw at me. The game is largely set in, surprise surprise, underground metro stations where people have taken shelter below an irradiated Moscow. These stations are sparsely filled with populated shantytowns, with barren old tunnels being the only means to get between them, tunnels full of bandits, beasts, and the bodies of those with less luck than sense.
Naturally the story takes you through these tunnels pretty early, and the human remains are plentiful, sometimes just the odd one, other times there's piles of the infested, smelly things. At various stages of decomposition and with innards all over the shop, it's not a pleasant sight, but as I mentioned it's nothing new to me. Get too close and you'll see flies landing on your screen, a cool detail that caught me off guard, and an off-putting surprise if nothing else, but again I didn't really feel much in of myself.
But then we enter decade-old air vents full of big ol' spider webs infested with, well, the subject matter. I've faced head-crabs in Half Life, incinerated facehuggers in Alien: Isolation, and slayed thousands of flood spores across multiple Halo games, all without being too phased, but these things I see before me made me feel something truly awful. Technically they're just spiders, albeit slightly oversized because, ya know, radiation, and they're just hanging there moving their gross legs around a little, not threatening me in anyway. Regardless I got a sudden acute sense of abhorrence and nausea upon the mere sight of them, and the fact I knew I had to go through the web didn't help.
Thankfully these things moved aside as I approached, and the sound of the webs breaking around me sent my skin crawling for a moment. I exited the vent shortly thereafter and continued on my way, fortunately never seeing them again before I finished playing an hour or so later. I went on with my daily
... keep reading on reddit ➡Without a doubt this is one of the best episodes for dialogue especially.
Has the guest star from The Bone Collector and he plays his evil role perfectly. Actually he is also in Enterprise the episode where they go back to Detroit in 1996.
Aside from that, especially in the last 10 minutes its line after line of comedy lol.
Kim liking Seven and her throwing him off guard by being super forward about sleeping with him.
Kim's scene with Chakotay LOL. Great acting here by Kim.
The Doctor when he realizes the fish is still active but it should be offline and there is that Oh no moment.
the Doctor scanning Paris and B'lana as they are flirting lol!
Then the doctor pretending to be crazy like the killer with OCD for a moment.
Just awesome episode great fun
Years ago I had an undiagnosed BPD boyfriend. I was young, in my mid-twenties, and didn't know anything at all about personality disorders.
He love-bombed me, and I believed he loved me. He future-faked, and I believed he wanted a future with me. He devalued me for no reason and started ramping up for the discard, and I was confused as hell.
(I was actually the one who broke it off, although after it was over he seemed to think he was the one who dumped me. I guess those tears when I told him our relationship wasn't working were because he didn't dump me first.)
I was heartbroken that it ended. I thought it was the deepest love of my entire life, a soul-mate kind of love. I didn't understand how he could treat me the way he did if he loved me like he claimed to.
He wanted to stay in touch, still be friends. So we stayed in contact. And he strung me along, hinting at reconciliation, implying he wanted to be better, to treat me better, to get past our conflicts. That was what I wanted. That was all I ever wanted. I only broke up with him because he refused to work through the conflicts. So he would talk about resolution, but never follow through on it.
When I tried talking about what he'd done that was hurtful to me and why, he behaved as a classic borderline disordered boyfriend: he'd shift responsibility for everything to me, blame me, gaslight me, insist that I was the only one who'd done anything wrong and if I felt hurt then it was because I was unreasonable and by the way I was being a complete MONSTER to even think any of this was his fault. On the rare occasion when even he couldn't deny that he'd behaved badly, he still managed to make the entire discussion about him and his feelings about what happened. Everything was always, always about him. So that reconciliation never occurred.
I began to believe him. It was all my fault. I had ruined my one true deep soul-mate love. There are no words to describe the pain of feeling that way. I didn't just want to die, because there might be an afterlife. I wanted to not exist. I hated myself beyond measure for sabotaging my one shot at true happiness.
For years I felt that way. Somewhere inside was still a dull glimmer of hope that someday he'd forgive me and give me another chance, even though we were no longer in regular contact. I loved him from afar.
Eventually I learned about BPD. I was talking to a therapist and described my ex's behavior, and the therapist said it sounded like the dude had BPD.
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