It's been a really difficult few weeks. I'm absolutely plagued by self-loathing right now and I just want to feel okay and good about myself. My meds haven't helped (Elvanse, 70mg). Circumstances leading to severe RSD have me hating everything about myself and I just want to stop ruminating and crying about how inadequate and ugly I feel. I tried putting on some nice outfits and makeup but it just made me feel like a fool for thinking it might help.
Not (intentionally) a vent post, as melodramatic and stupid as this is - just looking for advice about reasonably quick or easy ways to deal with self-hatred and self esteem issues if anyone has any suggestions. Thank you ❤️
I don't ask this out of antagonistic intention, I ask this out of genuine curiosity.
I have heard cases of male feminists hating themselves for being men and constantly saying that they hate men.
Now, there's nothing wrong with recognizing male privilege, as I as a male feminist recognize my privilege over women in society and I call out men who are socialized with toxic masculinity and misogyny in their personality and attitudes towards women. Plus, there's also nothing wrong with hating toxic masculinity and misogyny, as well as toxic men in general.
However, it seems like some male feminists hate themselves for being men. This is a bit of a problem to me, as it shows that they put women on a pedestal.
How do you feel about some male feminists having self-hatred for being men?
Hi all, i posted this to other communities, but I actually would like to hear if you guys had any buddhist tips for dealing with the situation i have.
I am in my 20s, a gay man and person of color. It was hard combination. Growing up, I always hated how naturally effeminate I was and I felt inferior to others. I just felt like a freak, a gender mismatch, a beta loser, and I never had any friends. I talked to the teacher during recess in elementary school and in high school paced the halls during lunch cause I had no one to eat with. One thing I really hated was I was pretty bad at sports, which made me feel like a failure as a guy. For example, it was 4th of July and at a picnic my family pulled out a football and I was terrified they would throw to me, see how badly I could toss it back — the kids at school already had seen it, but i was so scared that day my family would see how effeminate I was as well. I just carried a negative self image of myself.. i also hated how feminine my voice sounded. I despised my body and hated how skinny I was, again feeling like a loser. I never saw myself as handsome or beautiful. I was awkward as well and shy, so no friends. And I was bullied for the color of my skin and for being gay.
Sometimes, I thought the communities I belonged to would show support, but as a gay poc, both communities didnt like the other half of me. Now Ive internalized all this to self hatred.
Fast forward, I made it through college, got the job I wanted, but I still feel like the loser I identified with growing up. At work, I stutter, Im shy, nervous, uncomfortable, awkward, clumsy, weird. Some people see that and are nice to me, some neutral, but some see how much i hate myself and are mean.
Every night a pang of loneliness hits me. Even today I have no friends. No one. I have no one in my family I can talk to, as my home is dysfunctional and has a lot of mental illness which impedes the strength if our relationship.
And I’m just so sad. I have no one and the loneliness hurts so bad. I just really hate the person I am. Not for my culture or sexual orientation, but because of all the self hatred Ive internalized that makes me a bumbling stuttering awkward fool and prevents me from making friends.
I wish I had a man who loved me. I see so many beautiful straight relationships and just wish I could have a taste of love. Ive never held a guys hand, had a kiss, relationship, nothing. I dont want sex, I want warmth and love with a man. I re
... keep reading on reddit ➡
I am really struggling with hating my appearance, I've felt this way all my life despite the fact that I suspect back when I had hair I actually was attractive. I am now bald at 21 and I know intellectually looks aren't the most important thing but I also feel intense shame when I see a woman who I'm attracted to. I think wow she's beautiful and then I hate myself for wanting to kiss her and I beat myself up for feeling unworthy.
It's so dumb because I probably look fine but I feel deformed. I feel just disgusting and I hate feeling this way. I don't mean to moan, I know other people have it way way worse than me but I just feel so lost right now
My smile always makes me feel insecure, I was having a belly aching laugh 3ith my friend today but these joyous experiences are always interrupted by the thought "if you don't cover your mouth your friend will see how hideous you really are and then they'll think less of you and maybe not even want to be friends and they'll feel sorry for you because you're not good enough to be normal you're less than them"
I just want to feel like I'm good enough again I just want to feel like I love myself without having to squeeze it out of my head like a lemon. I wish loving myself felt natural and came without me trying to force it into my heart because my heart believes it's not worth anything because of my appearance.
Call me am internalized transphobe, a terf, a bootlicker, I don't care. If this post is too meanspirited, delete me, I don't care. I've already been permabanned from a large lesbian server for lamenting a similar statement, and that only proved my point.
The awful behavior of so many trans woman is staggering and only makes me realize that I'm no better than them in the eyes of so many people. Not just actually transphobic people but Trans "activists" who say people like Chris Chan and Jessica Yaniv are just typical people and that if you misgender them or insinuate that they're not real women, YOU are the real bad guy. This just shows that I'll never be taken seriously for not being able to help that I wish I was born a woman.
There's plenty more I could bitch about, but I'll remain respectful to this sub's rules. Am I crazy? Do I just need to get over myself? Can others relate? Am I not even trans for thinking this way?
I hate that when I was little I was labeled as “gifted” because now I’m not living up to any of the expectations that where set for me. I hate that I feel forced to live up to expectations I didn’t create for myself. My parents now neglect me because my little sister is going to a college prep boarding school while I’m the one that didn’t go to any prestigious school and decided to go to a public school. It really suck since I’m a failure in there eyes. I feel like being labeled as gifted usually just ends up a disaster for the people who fail to live up to the gifted expectations. I just want to end it all and not wake up. My antidepressants never seem to work no matter how many times I’ve switched meds and doses. I just don’t see the point of living past high school. I’m probably just gonna work a shitty job and barley make a living anyways.
Like why. WHY. i am constantly insecure about my gender, I dont know if I’m a fully binary boy or a 80-90% boy demiboy. But being a girl is the farthest thing I want to be, and I tbought I passed pretty well but I got clocked as a girl the other day. Thank god to my dad still he/him ing me after I got called she. Also my deadname can rot in a hole. My name is Feliks and I am some sort of a boy, and I fantasize about going on t, and I wish I had the nessecary body parts to be a boy. my dysphoria is so annoying that it was not the main reason but one of the main reasons why I self harmed. I want to have the body of a flat spaghetti noodle type boy, or a muscled boy with broad shoulders, not a curvy girls body. I want to wear feminine things and defy gender norms but with my thick ass thighs it looks like I’m just a girl. Also my brother clearly still thinks I’m one, and the bad thing is I get lots of gender envy from him. My friends have been amazing at making me happier about being trans but its not easy. The thing is I get terrible dysphoria from my chest and if I had the chance I would wear my binder constantly but no, that would wreck my back and any chances of getting top surgery in the future.
To make it all worse, I’m past puberty as in chest changes and stuff, so if I took hormone blockers all it would do is stop me growing taller which obviously I want because somehow I’m super short, and since I get so little sleep it might just stay that way. Heck today I got a good nights sleep, but Im still tired. Yet I’m still too young for t or any surgeries. I’m hoping I can get t at 16, because its the average minimum age. My parents are supportive but cautious so I dont make any mistakes.
Could use comfort
One thing I have noticed is that our parents generation had a real pride about themselves and never cared about others opinions even though they were dragged in the media in every city country they went to. However there kids our generation have become the total opposite and desperately seek and look for acceptance/validation where they can find it. Why do you guys think this happened
I can't even get off this ground. Part/ parts of me perpetually believes that i don't deserve help. And will sabotage my attempts at help.
I know that doing loving-kindness meditation helps, but that part is very good at sabotaging my engaging with it, or motivation to do it.
For context, I’m a 30M and we’ve been together for about 2.5 years. We have a very loving relationship.
She has always had problems with anxiety which can be triggered by small things (doing the laundry, not eating well, etc) but since her latest career move to teaching this has gotten much worse. She has to work a lot more and the smallest thing can lead to an episode of her screaming angrily for 30+ minutes. It’s all aimed at herself, a lot of self loathing - you sadly get the picture.
I’d like to think I’m supportive and patient. I do try to calm her down but this is now happening so frequently I think my effect has worn down. Im trying to find a therapist to help her but she is also resistant to that. Her family are also aware but can’t so much to help.
I understand she has to help herself and I can only be there as support - but it’s affecting me too. Anyone else I’m a similar situation or has been who can lend some wisdom?
If you put energy into hating yourself, where does that energy go? Who receives it? It's neither service to self or others...
(15m.) First I think I’m handsome then I think I’m ugly
First I think everyone likes me and fw me and I feel like I can get any girl that I want then I feel lonely as hell
First I feel hella confident and witty then I feel hella akward and insecure
Im always insecure I always compare my appearance to others
Maybe she would’ve wanted me if I was more attractive and witty and not a loser
I miss a lot of small details. This doesn’t impact my work but it makes me look like I don’t care and like I’m an incompetent idiot.
I have a million fucking tricks to catch small details. Diffchecker, I always give myself 2 mornings to review something before I submit it.
I’m in this line of work because my ability to think abstractly and solve puzzles is so damn good that even if there’s a typo in an email, I’m still making the company money.
I did it again this morning and it’s hard to do my job because I just hate myself so damn much.
EDIT: thank you all for your support. This sub really gets me through. Also a lot of the practical advice was really great. Would like to individually like to tell each of you how much your comments mean but I have a big project due tomorrow.
I had work today but i slept through it and missed my whole shift and this happened last sunday too and im fucked. Im probably gonna be fired. I don’t know what im gonna say to my boss next time i come in and i cant lie because theres literally no lie i could come up with to explain this but the truth is like yeah im so sorry my sleep schedule is so shitty that the only thing keeping me awake in the mornings is my stimulant medication and i for some reason didnt take that the moment my alarm went off and therefore fell back asleep till 2 pm. Anyways i hate myself even more now and have no idea what im gonna do
F 25 M 36 together almost a year
Hi! I'm seeking advice of any kind on how to help a partner with deep self hatred issues, when reassurance and telling them they are not at all hatable doesn't help! i constantly tell him what his strengths are, but have gotten caught into saying 'no you're not' when he expresses he thinks he's stupid for example, i end up saying it all the time and it doesn't help, what can i say? He is trapped in the past reliving all the times he was ever treated badly, abused or neglected or things went wrong, obsessing over how he could have done something different, what he should have done and how stupid he is for not making the 'right decision'. it is draining being around someone who can't see how incredible they are and is being prevented from being present! i feel myself sounding frustrated at times and all i want is to be able to help! if he could see himself as i do even for a moment everything would change! ANY advice is welcome! and i was wondering whether anyone had any resources (documentaries, lectures, papers, films anything!) they could recommend about the following and or about managing/improving them: ( particularly philosophical or psychoanalytical rather than modern psychotherapy?)
- psychological rebirth/heroes journey, and its history
- severe self hatred (rooted in neglect & abuse)
- intense rumination on regrets (should have done differently, if only, i was so stupid)
- being present from rumination and regret
- childhood abuse and neglect, how to accept his parents most likely wont change, but their horrendous behaviour has nothing to do with him. how to explore how it has shaped him and how to repair some of the ways its effected him?
- Anything you recommend for someone who feels as though they are destined to suffer, have only bad luck etc
TLDR partner is struggling alot with self hatred, regret and his past, how can i help him?
thank you so much for taking the time to read <3
Something I was thinking about recently. There's a growing trend in society towards self-love, looking after your own mental health and wellness, and I can definitely see how that influences the language used in churches. I remember when I studied Theology and we were discussing the command to love your neighbour as you love yourself. There were questions about the difficulties of showing such neighbour love in a world where many people don't seem to have that healthy self love, whereas my lecturer was making the point that this wasn't as much of a consideration for Jesus' audience as the imago dei was so informed in Jewish culture that they wouldn't need to question this aspect. Do you think a focus on self love becomes too selfish, inward and ultimately leads to hatred of our own identity if too inward looking?
I cant stop obsessing over how much of a ungrateful self-centered shit head I am since Iosing a parent. I can’t forgive myself and don’t believe I deserve to. I wish I could either start over again or die too. What do I do with this? I know I can’t wallow in self pity forever, but I feel stuck and so ashamed.
really sorry if this has already been brought up on this sub, but i just need to ask
ever since I began questioning my identity, my life has gotten harder, from an eating disorder to depression to gender dysphoria. Despite knowing in myself that this transition is something I need to do for my own well-being, I feel that anytime something goes wrong in my life or when someone isn't accepting of me, I just turn to a phase of complete hatred for myself as if it wasn't for being trans, then these problems would've never arisen
i know these are all normal problems for trans people but it feels like everyone is against me even though so many people are supportive. no matter the support, the self hatred and anxiety of not being accepted always trumps it
does anyone have any advice on how to calm down these emotions and deal with them, or has anyone had experiences with these feelings before?
Hello everyone! For the longest time I’ve hated myself. I had a rough childhood and I think my self hatred came from that :( it was rough seeing the kids around me be happy and living better lives than me.
I hate everything about myself from my looks to my current life and job. Im only in my early 20’s but I don’t see a future for myself. I feel like I can’t ever be happy and so I isolate myself because I’m jealous of everyone around me which makes me hate myself even more. I end crying myself to sleep a lot cause of this.
I surprisingly have a boyfriend and I’ve tried talking to him about my feelings but I feel like he doesn’t understand cause he gets upset at the notion that he doesn’t make me happy and blames himself for it. He’s a good man but yeah I just don’t tell him anything anymore :( lately suicidal thoughts have been creeping up on me and I’m starting to find them comforting.
I feel if I can find a way to deal with my self hatred.. I can maybe improve my mental health? I can’t afford therapy so any tips would mean a lot to me
A lot of the time when you mention feeling bad about being ugly people will say things like "You just need to love yourself/stop hating yourself" or "your worth isn't determined by your looks" but for me it's not about self-love or self-worth. I don't hate myself for being ugly and don't think I'm less worth than anyone else but I still hate being ugly because it prevents me from ever fulfilling some strong desires I have in life and that hurts indescribably. I also hate how my ugliness is partly related to health problems that significantly lower my quality of life.
