I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
My 6 year old daughter was listening to music with me and came up with this one: What is a bananas favorite Tom Petty song?
You Dont Know How It Peels
What was the sad teenager listening to while they were forced to do yard work?
I've been listening to acid jazz recently
I don't know why it's called acid jazz but it smells great.
My wife told me she's been listening to Serial
I said "Oh? That's interesting. I typically eat it."
So I'm listening to music the other day when my wife comes home.
She asks, "Are you listening to Milli Vanilli?"
I said "Girl, you know it's truuuuuue!"
I decided I want to do some more exercise after listening to Queen.
I want to ride my bicycle.
I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?!"
Such a random way to start a conversation.
Listening to The Who Won't Fooled Again
We start talking about Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
"He must be a king."
"How do you know?"
"He 'asn't got shit all over 'im."
Dad says "CSI:Medieval!"
He laughed at his own joke so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.
"All you're doing is listening to what I say to tell me I'm wrong!"
My Wife Constantly Asks If I’m Listening to What She’s Saying
Such a weird way to start a conversation.
An answer in a listening test was "specific background material" and a classmate asked if it was ok to just write "background material"
The teacher said it had to be specific
I let my cat outside today but when I started listening to Daft Punk she rushed back inside
I guess she is more of a house cat
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
I have a hard time listening to people explain how to sharpen knives.
It’s very dull at the beginning.
I tried telling my friend some deer fun facts but he wasn't interested in listening to me.
I feel he isn't fawned of them.
My friend was listening to Chinese rap.
My wife said she wants me to stop listening to Wonderwall…
My wife says I've been listening to a lot of 80s rock recently
I was just sitting on the couch when my friend tells me, “your not even listening to me.”
I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.
I’m getting tired of listening to my military friend talk about using UAVs...
He just drones on and on.
Listening to sonic heroes makes me want to destroy a certain amount of robots
My wife looked at me the other day and said “You’re not listening to anything I’ve said!”
I said to her “There are better ways to start a conversation.”
What do whales enjoy listening to?
I love listening to the can-can
Everytime it finishes, I turn it Offenbach on again
My wife just complained I wasn’t listening and walked out of the room
Weird way to start a conversation.
A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.
Because of the unusually high Mercury content.
You know what type of music I’ve been listening to during quarantine?
Why do anti vaxxers avoid listening to Queen?
Which classical composer do Old McDonald’s chickens prefer listening to before bedtime?
I hate it when my wife says, "Are you listening to me?".
I'm not 'Listening To Me', I'm Dad!
I started listening to Metallica a few days ago, and guess what.
Nothing else matters anymore. Sad, but true.
I have this weird talent where I can control sheep just by listening to them.
I herd it with my own ears.
Girl asked me to stop listening to Wonderwall.
Driving down the road, listening to Disney songs. I look in my rear view mirror. My two-year-old is grooving. I ask her, "Aw, are you dancing?" And she replies,
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good ,but I liked the execution
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself. MOM: Oh my! Who!? DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something? MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
I was listening to the radio...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
My daughter yelled: "Dad, are you even listening!?"
I thought it was a very weird way to start a conversation.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”
I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife...
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