Because he lives in a pen.
Credit to my 8 year old daughter, who probably read this in “Highlights” kids magazine.
Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision
One could say, it's a...PENDEMIC
Apparently the paper was Jamming.
I'm drawing a blank...
She told me she doesn't see them catching on.
It’ll be a squid pro roe.
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
Monsters Ink
Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.
My friends name is Paige. She asked me to help with names for her etsy store to sell paintings, crochet stuff, alcohol ink things, and pottery. Paige despises puns. Please help me with some good pun names for her shop.
It's a tat 2 studio
Monsters Ink
Because it kept running out of the pen
She said, “I can’t even write now.”
But the ink kept washing away.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
Because his mother was in the pen doing a long sentence.
Especially if it’s a family owned business
...but I just don't see it.
No one expects the Spanish ink sedition
A man visits a tattoo parlor with a rather simple, but strange request. He requests a short, straight line tattooed on his upper arm.
Once the first tattoo heals, he returns, asking for another, exactly the same as the first.
After a few more visits, it becomes clear to the tattoo artist that he's tattooing tally marks on the customer's arm.
Curiosity getting the better of the tattoo artist, he asks, "What are you counting?"
The man answers, "How many tattoos I have."
The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.
25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Because it always ran out of the pen
- Me: Decides to be adventurous at dinner, orders pasta with squid ink
- My dad: “My dinner is delicious, you should try some”
- Me: “Only if you try a bite of this pasta, it’s really good too”
- My dad, who rarely tells jokes, starts smiling: “So you’re suggesting a... squid pro quo?”
I print, therefor I am.
It became indelible.
Because I just farted.
He held up two fingers and said, "it's tat two o'clock"...
A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor, hoping to get something cool drawn onto his shoulder. He walks up to the artist and shows him a picture of what he wants. In large text on a ribbon it says, "Protect and Serve." Below it, is a picture of a a badge, a pair of handcuffs, and a pistol. The tattoo artist is very good at his job, and says he can get this done in one session, so the officer sits down and the artist gets started. A few hours later, the artist is just finishing up, inking the last details of his service weapon. Once the last line is inked on the trigger, the cop gets up from his chair and looks in the mirror to see his new tattoo. His face twists into a look of shock and terror, pulls out his gun and opens fire onto the tattoo artist, killing him in the process. He gets on his radio, calling for backup, and took a defensive position until a few more cops and the police chief showed to the parlor minutes later. The chief, while examining the scene asks the officer, "What the hell? Why did you shoot this guy?" The cop says, "What did you expect me to do? The guy drew a gun on me!"
An InkRedible machine
Their father was in the pen.
Student: “False. It was written in ink.”
It's always jammin'
It’s written all over his face.
It writes lots of other words too.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
By uploading his SeaV into InkedIn
Know any jokes about an octopus?
No, but let me “ink” about it!!! 😉👍🏽
Source - Pic Abridged version:
A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.
Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.
"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.
"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."
I showed my dad a photo of a family's friend's newborn baby as it was getting its feet inked to take its prints.
Dad: "Pretty dirty feet for a newborn."
Me: "..."
Dad: "Don't worry. You'll get it soon; and then, you'll laugh."
Ew, something inks in here.
No one expected the Spanish Ink Position.
What Were You Inking?
Because they have scales
Long post is long:
Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!
Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.
Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!
Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!
Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...
Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.
Her: Thyme is running out...
Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!
Her: Aim for Potato Garden!
Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!
Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!
Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!
Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!
Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!
Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.
Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!
Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!
The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.
Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!
Are the spinach still operational?
Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.
Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...
Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!
Her: And the squashes and peas!
Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!
The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.
**Her:
... keep reading on reddit ➡John Deavensmit was not having a good time. After an incident involving a coffee spill, he'd been sued for $50 million, and somehow the jury had ruled against him. There was no way he could pay that much money; he'd go bankrupt.
Naturally, he filed for an appeal, but the winner of the case was already beginning to hound him for money, hoping to get at least something before the judgement was overturned. John was nearly at his wit's end before he found an unusual package in his mailbox.
It was from a couple of his friends, who all went on to law school when John left to create a startup. They'd all been very successful, and had gone on to be justices at various levels, from courts in a small county in Wisconsin all the way to the Supreme Court. When he opened it up, he was surprised to see an ink drawing of a thick wooden stick. It was signed by his friends, and accompanied by a note:
> Hey John, > > We're sorry to hear about your loss in court last month. We met up at a judge conference in the Davison Center, and we thought that we'd do something special for you. We met up in the Grapefruit Room and all worked together to draw this. We hope you enjoy it! > > Your friends
Now, John had been to D.C. a few times, and knew about the Davison Centre. It was renowned for its very offbeat architecture. The Grapefruit Room was one of the weirdest: it had been constructed by taking a world-record grapefruit, carving out the flesh, and preserving the rind. The result was a walk-in fruit, and it always smelled of citrus.
It took John a while to work out the significance of the gift, but when he realized it, he was overjoyed. His good friends had seen fit to grant him a stave judge-men penned in a peel.
Grandma was keeping score as usual, and she was getting frustrated as her pen was running out of ink when my dad says: "It must have Appendicitis".
Friend was doing homework and was upset his Air National Guard pen had run out of ink. I remarked, "that sucks! That was your reserve pen"
groan
One of my co-workers just walked by my office looking for stamp ink. She said, "You don't ever need to stamp anything, do you?"
Without missing a beat, I said, "Just my feet!"
...a piece of paper with a scribble on it and a lazy dog?
One is an ink lined plane and the other is a slow pup.
...Thanks dad.
I was going to get together with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and I wanted to go out to lunch sometime.
Me: "What does your schedule look like?"
His response? "It has white pages, with black ink, and a blue cover." He then chuckled heartily.
I fear he must have gotten his girlfriend pregnant or something.
My sister and I were fighting (in a lighthearted manner) and she was trying to get pen marks on my arms. I picked up her guitar and used it to protect myself from her ink attacks. She got mad and said, "That's worth $200!"
Then I replied, "That's a pretty expensive pen."
She started laughing and I had time to escape... I dad-joked my way out of a predicament!
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Because his mommy was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.
Because his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be...
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...
An InkRedible machine.
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision...
