My wife claims she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Wax On, Wax Off

https://preview.redd.it/om981zexhlv41.jpg?width=622&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=504c7183bac43accca15d4d69bbea523e6a03e8f

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BunionsBill
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tan salons an Wax salons too...

... it’s about to get ugly out there

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
My dentist apologized for using wax on my cavity.

No hard fillings.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5parky
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
I am a wax strip because I am clingy and would make you want to pull your hair out
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1-sh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I went for a body wax today.

She charged me 200 bucks. What a rip off merchant.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/December_Soul
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife just asked "Do we have any antique wax?" "Don't you mean duck repellent?", I said. "Ha... ha... ha." she said.
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartiniPlusOlive
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Wax strips

What a rip off

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thompeach
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Icarus and Daedalus, after building wings of wax and feathers, took to the skies...

Icarus and Daedalus, after building wings of wax and feathers, took to the skies to escape the labyrinth of the Minoans. But, as the story goes, Icarus flew too close to the sun, and his wings melted.

As he dropped from the sky, Icarus said what any sane mortal would: "Help, I'm falling!"

Daedalus turned to his son, and before he could catch him, he uttered "Nice to meet you falling. I'm Dad-alus."

πŸ‘︎ 480
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annikaastra
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
🚨︎ report
I went to get my face casted a month in advance so I could be put on display in a wax museum.

I think I was getting ahead of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theamiabledude
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Lesbian couples don't wax or shave for their wedding...

Because it's groomless!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2017
🚨︎ report
"Oh, he blinked!!!" -my dad at the wax museum
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaghettificati0n
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my girl friend about her Brazilian wax

She was talking to me about getting a Brazilian wax done.

Her:"This place only uses hard wax, which I found interesting. Sometimes they use hard and soft wax too."

Me:"I guess there is more than one way to skin a cat."

I received the best response a dadjoke can get... The Facepalm

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jobe612
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Nail salons closed, Lash salons closed, Hair salons closed, Tanning salons closed, waxing salons closed...

It's about to get ugly out there.

Stay safe.

πŸ‘︎ 500
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
What did the freshly waxed car say to the rain?

Quit beading up on me!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BassMan2511
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
🚨︎ report
How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
Icarus had a lesser known brother. He wanted to swim to the bottom of the ocean.

Instead of wax, he used paraffin.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
The moon keeps waxing his crescent...

...but it's just a phase.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahbows
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m starting slow on my waxing/hair removal business, and we only have female clients for the time being.

I don’t want to go nuts right away.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't the moon shave?

Because it waxes

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_bulbnz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
The trouble with body waxing services

They can be real rip off.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Turtle waxing poetic imgur.com/gallery/F09551H
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Morris_Less
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
🚨︎ report
I was going to get waxed before heading to Australia this year for Christmas.

But it's such a rip off.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweathesmallshit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad likes leftovers wrapped in waxed paper, but mom never does it.

"Foiled again!"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moorsonthecoast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2015
🚨︎ report
waxed apples

I was asking my mum if the apples we bought were waxed or natural and she said this disgustingly horrible dadjoke "Well, you don't see any hair on them."

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eeojee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Where did the crayon go for vacation?

Colorado

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/walter923
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
We had an IDEA...

Back a few decades, I was working in a program with a local college in the Middle East.

The name of the program for ExPats has the clever acronym of "IDEA" (hey, I said it was clever); which stands for "Inter-Departmental Educational Adjunct". It's interdepartmental because my particular specialty not only covers field geology but also paleontology and a bit of archeology thrown in for good measure. Everyone hopes to have a good IDEA...

ahem...

Well, we saddle up and head for the Dune Sea out in the west of the country, where the Precambrian, Cambrian, Silurian, Cretaceous, Pliocene, Pleistocene, and Holocene crop out and access is relatively easy and non-injurious.

Well, we caravan out, some 30 Land Cruisers, Nissan patrol, and the odd Mitsubishi Galloper strong. We all get our maps, compasses and split up into 5 or 6 special interest groups ("SIG's"); where each IDEA has his own GPS and LIDAR laser ranging apparatus. Reason being, that there are very few benchmarks out in the des

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
As my son put on his hospital gown...

Dad (me): Do you know what they call this? Son: What? -_- Dad: A waxing gibbous gown. Son: (shakes head) The doctor didn’t laugh when I told him.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsdavis1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me at lunch today what the male parallel for "misogyny" was.

I told him, "Misterogyny".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EndlessTilt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How does Mr. Miyagi eat baby bel cheese?

Wax on, wax off

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GojuGrin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Timmy got sent home from school today, he mooned his class again.

Don’t worry honey he’s just going through a phase.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikey10158
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
🚨︎ report
One of the funniest things my dad ever said.

He was driving; I was sitting shotgun. The moon in the sky was just a tiny sliver. I pondered out loud that "I wonder if it's waxing or waning." My dad said "waning? It's not even cwoudy!"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heavvy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
🚨︎ report
The local candle factory just got shut down.

It was all outta wax.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wallsofdereko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DroopyDrewP
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
🚨︎ report
How does a moon cut its hair?

He doesn't, he waxes.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bravesaint
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What is a sailor's least favorite vegetable?

Leeks

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreezyMcWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2016
🚨︎ report
Got dad-joked by my girlfriend.

After parking in a lot next to a salon with a European Wax sign in the window... Me: "you should get a European wax." Her: "no, you should get your peen waxed."

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/domoericato
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2016
🚨︎ report
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

http://i.imgur.com/tF7boWp.png

John is my dad, I think that was understood

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dabuscus214
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend and I were walking outside last night...

After looking at the crescent moon she turned to me and said, "I wonder if the moon is waxing or if it is waning."

To which I responded, "Waning? It's not even cwoudy!"

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trust_me_I_reddit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2014
🚨︎ report
The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Got my dad on my birthday

So for my birthday my dad got me a set of new skis, which needed to be waxed.

Dad: I need to fix up your skis.

Me: Why would you get me broken skis?

He didn't seem to impressed that I out dadjoked him.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aileronn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my cubemate this morning.

She has an air freshener that burns different scented wax. She had run out.

Her: "Oh, no. I need more scents.

Me: "Read a book once in a while."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barrtoni
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Yesterday one of my friends and I went to guitar center

and we found a Schecter C1 with a natural wood finish and spent like an hour playing it, despite being in the middle of a room packed full of exotic guitars. I own a Schecter bass and through playing a few different models I have come to the conclusion that Schecter is the Valve of guitar manufacturers, but I'm not here to wax poetic about Schecters, I can do that on my own time.

Anyway, we went home afterwards and he posted a status on Facebook about it, which included the line

> ...and in a room full of hyperexotics, spent an hour metaphorically jerking off to a Schecter C1.

I replied with

>>metaphorically

and he came back with

>They don't call it a wood finish for nothin'.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife just got me

I was explaining to her about how the wicks in these cheap candles we bought fall over before all the wax is gone. She said, "that's poor wickmanship."

I love her.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/navy2x
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2015
🚨︎ report
What does the karate instructor do in his free time?

Wax off.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/studmuffin326
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
🚨︎ report
A dad joke at church on xmas eve

For those of you who don't know most churches sing silent night by candle light. Everyone gets a candle. At the end of the service my wife spilled hot wax on her hands. After dealing with the immediate pain I said...

Sorry about your waxcident!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2015
🚨︎ report
A nurse was eating a Babybel cheese

If you don't know what that is, it's a small cheese wheel that comes wrapped in red wax that you're supposed to peel before eating.

I see her eating it and say "you know you can eat the wax on those?"

She says "oh really? Would you like it?" (Offering me the wax)

I say "thank you, but I'm wax-tose intolerant."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nevertoosoon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2015
🚨︎ report
My sister was talking about her college friends' drug stashes, and Dad said...

Dad: "Well, you know what was in my stash box? A fine-toothed comb and a tin of mustache wax!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MossyMemory
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 532
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without any pain at all.

I’m nervous she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How does the moon cut his hair.

Eclipse it

πŸ‘︎ 436
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zyzzyva42
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report

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