My uncle just passed away from accidentally drinking wood varnish

It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.

👍︎ 75
📅︎ Nov 09 2020
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I'm applying coats of varnish to the table I'm making

My brother: Jeez, How many coats do you need? I'm sure the table is warm enough already!

👍︎ 6
👤︎ u/CodyBaanks
📅︎ Jan 05 2021
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I used to be in a band called 'Varnish'

we covered the Doors

👍︎ 28
📅︎ Nov 30 2019
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Why don't thieves ever steal varnish?

Because there's no profit in ill-gotten stains.

👍︎ 3
📅︎ Jan 11 2015
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A painter asks around the shop if anyone has seen his can of lacquer.

After no one knows where it is, the painter shrugs and says "huh, it must have varnished."

👍︎ 7
👤︎ u/morscordis
📅︎ Aug 22 2019
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My boss just dad joked me, didnt see it coming.

So I'm varnishing a sailboat tiller at work and I just put the second coat on it. I went to my boss and I was like I just put a second coat on the tiller. He looks at me straight faced with no sarcasm in his voice and was like "why was it cold" then just walks off.

👍︎ 119
📅︎ Jun 19 2014
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My mother's first dad joke.

So when I was cooking in the kitchen (which is very narrow and small) I accidentally brushed up on a loosely closed tin can of Door Varnish spilling it all everywhere. I had to explain after I tried to clean it up to my mother and brother.

Me: So yeah, I spilled the whole can of door varnish on the kitchen floor and the hallway, it's going to hard to walk around for a little while.

My Brother: changes conversation Anyways are you free tomorrow, Mum?

My Mother: Yes, but first we must get out of this sticky situation.

👍︎ 2
📅︎ Dec 16 2014
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