Varnish Puns

My brother: Jeez, How many coats do you need? I'm sure the table is warm enough already!

It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.

we covered the Doors

Because there's no profit in ill-gotten stains.

After no one knows where it is, the painter shrugs and says "huh, it must have varnished."

So I'm varnishing a sailboat tiller at work and I just put the second coat on it. I went to my boss and I was like I just put a second coat on the tiller. He looks at me straight faced with no sarcasm in his voice and was like "why was it cold" then just walks off.

So when I was cooking in the kitchen (which is very narrow and small) I accidentally brushed up on a loosely closed tin can of Door Varnish spilling it all everywhere. I had to explain after I tried to clean it up to my mother and brother.

Me: So yeah, I spilled the whole can of door varnish on the kitchen floor and the hallway, it's going to hard to walk around for a little while.

My Brother: changes conversation Anyways are you free tomorrow, Mum?

My Mother: Yes, but first we must get out of this sticky situation.