I was walking across a lake and suddenly a gator appeard and started guiding me
Teacher: Okay class, tell me what scares you most. Let's start with Paul. Paul: Werewolves Nina: Sharks Dylan: The unstoppable march of time that us guiding us all to our inevitable demise.
I spent many years guiding the king’s firstborn son to adulthood.
What is a skunk's guiding philosophy in life?
I found a "Pocket Guide to Male Masturbation"
I think it will really come in handy.
A comprehensive guide to take your Dad joke to the next level...
"Son, do you think we should find an expert to guide us in our trek up Mt. Everest?"
Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs!
Step 28
Step 27
Step 24
Step 21
Step 16
Step 12
Step 7
Step 3
Step 1
Our captain is a terrible tour guide
He’s always telling people to come on bored
From my kids... Would you like a guide to falling down the stairs.
Step 1
Step 2
Step 3
Step 6
Step 9...
Who is the official tour guide for the Vatican?
Did you know you can hire a guide to take you through the labyrinth in sixty seconds?
I went to the zoo and seen a baguette in a cage.
The zoo told me it was bread in captivity.
Sherlock Holmes never buys a TV Guide at Christmas.
Any dog can be a guide dog...
...if you don't care where you're going.
Did you hear about the self-help group for compulsive talkers?
It's called On & On Anon.
Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
While taking a tour of a college campus, the tour guide mentioned that the school was surrounded by three different cemeteries.
Tour guide: And did you know that if you live across from a cemetery, you can’t be buried there?
Me: What?? Why not?
Tour guide: Because you’re still alive!
Step by step guide on how to run..
Where does a Himalayan guide buy their clothes?
At the Sherpa Image store!
I've just finished writing a book about using stairs...
It's a step by step guide.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
A blind man walks into a bar with his guide dog.
Then he starts spinning his leashed dog around himself.
The bartender asks him what the Hell is he doing, and the blind man goes:
"Just looking around..."
Blind guy walks into a department store and starts swinging his guide dog in circles over his head.
A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."
[need for help] Pun experts, share the best pun you know about academia/professors/education/writing for grants. Any help deeply appreciated!
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
The tour guide says...
...Thank you for visiting the two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter museum today; I hope you had a good time. Speaking of good times, check out the food court and gift shop before you leave.
Me: That's a Segway
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.
A guide on how to tell dad jokes:
Step 1: walk up to dad
Step 2: tell dad a joke
I was on a safari in Africa when one of the tourists asked our guide, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”
He said, “No, they usually come that way.”
Why do blind people hate skydiving?
It scares the hell out of their dogs.
If you ask your bartender for a recommendation...
...does that make them your Spirit Guide?
Douglas Adams finished writing the first chapter of A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
He thought, “Finally! I put A Dent in that book!”
Took my kids to the circus.
They especially enjoyed watching the clowns.
We won a backstage tour after the show, and happened to notice that all the people who were tallying up the tickets and sales were dressed as clowns, and happened to be little people...but none of them had been in the performances. When I asked the tour guide why they were dressed up even though they weren’t in the show, he replied, “Don’t you know? It’s the little jesters that count”.
After looking at the galactic traveller's guide, I was shocked by our solar system's rating.
Just wrote a book about falling down the stair case
It's a step-by-step guide
Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs.
Step 1:
Step 2:
Step 4:
Step 7:
Step 12:
Step 18:
Step 25:
Hospital
A guide on how to fall down the stairs
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
Step by step guide on how to fall down the stairs.
Step 1:
Step 2:
Step 4:
Step 7:
Step 12:
Step 18:
Step 25:
Hospital
Here’s a step by step guide for riding an escalator.
I'm writing a book about falling down stairs...
It's a step by step guide.
A guide on how to fall down the stairs:
Step 1,
Step 2,
Step 3,
Step 6,
Step 12
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way....
I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me.
How to fall down the stairs, a step by step guide
Step 1. Step2. Step 3. Step 4. Step 5. Step 6. ...
Here’s a simple guide on how to ride an escalator.
I've just written a book about falling down a staircase
It's a step by step guide
Here’s a step by step guide on how to ride an escalator.
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