I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me
My friend just finished the Chernobyl documentary. He actually grew up in the Ukraine in the 1980s.
He was able to count at least six historical inaccuracies on one hand.
My kid grew a whole foot!
Now he’ll need three socks!
Dad-bods have gained popularity amongst people who grew up without a dad
Now they finally have their Father figure
I grew up in the circus and me, my mom, dad and thirteen siblings were all clowns.
It didn’t pay much, but luckily we only needed one car
I was in California when I recognized a cop as a guy who grew up in the same area as me...
It's a CHiP off the old block!
As one of the biggest fruit farmers in the country, I owe all of my success to my dear dad. I grew up as a kid who was scared of everything, and my dad always told me to
I grew up with Guy Ritchie.
Nice guy, but was a bit of a pre-Madonna.
We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...
...she was an LPN.
We had a Don't Bother Checking account.
My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.
Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.
For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.
My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").
We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."
We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.
My pillow only had one side.
Repossession was 9/10 of the law.
Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.
Our scotch tape was scots-irish.
(I'm allowed)
My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.
One year Santa had to bring stockings.
The next year he filled them with nooses.
I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.
Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.
My friend who grew up as an orphan officially became a priest yesterday.
My son's nails grew so long
I just clipped two feet of toenails
I asked my wife why she lied about where she grew up.
She replied (while using the bathroom): What are you talking about?
I said: You told me you were an American, but European.
My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.
He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.
Well this one really grew pear shaped
I grew up on a street with a lot of friction
You could call it a rough neighborhood
As a child, my mum told me I could be whoever I wanted when I grew up...
...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.
Jesus grew up poor but...
At least he was born in a stable situation.
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
My Grandpa grew up in a sketchy neighborhood in Sicily.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me
What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
Hehe
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
I grew up after covered wagons, but before space stations.
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.
My Grandma was talking about the good old days and said “in my day we could leave the door unlocked and not worry about it!” and “we grew up with nothing but we were happy”...
I replied “Well Grandma, I hate to break it to you, but you grew up with nothing because you kept leaving the door unlocked!”
What did the acorn say when it grew up?
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
Where I grew up, we had back-to-back violent attempts to overthrow the government.
I asked my dad how many feet he grew as a teenager.
He responded: None, son. I was born with two and never grew any more.
Even as I grew from a kid to an adult...
My kidneys are still not adultneys
I didn't like Africa by Toto at first, or any of their other songs. But eventually I grew to really like them
I guess love isn't always on time
People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.
But I refuse to go with that stereotype.
A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house.
One day a storm flooded the area with seawater and damaged his home... now he's in a pickle.
If you grew cannabis on an off shore platform...
The first time Prince Charles went white water rafting, he threw up on himself when the river grew turbulent...
I live in the house next door to where the Notorious B.I.G. grew up as a child.
The current owners let me take a look inside. No biggie.
I grew a beard in isolation and I asked my daughter "Should I shave my beard?“ she said "No Dad, it's grown on me"
I said "Funnily enough it's grown on me too!"
Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk.
Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen.
He was peachless."
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
I grew tired of playing triangle in a band
it was just one ting after another.
My wife asked me to introduce our kids to the 90s rock I grew up on.
I told her sure but some of it is Garbage.
I've been waiting for someone else to come up with a brilliant joke about a clock, and grew tired of waiting so I made one up myself
I accidentally trimmed the leaves off my wife's favorite plant, but fortunately they grew back.
As a child, my mum told me I could be whoever I wanted when I grew up...
...turns out that’s called identity theft and is illegal.
I used to hate facial hair but it grew on me
I used to hate facial hair but it grew on me
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