Calling for something at work, I had the option to hear a joke. I gladly accepted.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
A stick.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 27 2014
Orange you glad about this post
π︎ 38
π
︎ May 23 2021
My dad had a piece of skin from his shoulder grafted to his nose today. I'm just glad he'll always have a shoulder to cry on.
I also told him "now you'll be able to put your nose up at someone and give them the cold shoulder at the same time"
He thought I was "very punny"
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π
︎ May 13 2021
I'm glad I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
He stepped on a landmine.
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π
︎ May 04 2021
We got a new dog yesterday. He was a rescue and we're so glad to make him a part of our family. 'I think the transition is going well.'
'But your mother thinks it's been ruff.'
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 16 2021
I am so glad Tinder found me a match
Because yesterday I lost my lighter.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 18 2021
I'm quite glad I'm not an egg
I do tend to crack myself up
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
In spite of all our disagreements on Reddit, Iβm glad about one thing.
Every one reading this is on the same page.
Edit: Thanks guys. This is way too much love.
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
I've started a boat building business in my attic...
...sails are going through the roof.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ May 13 2021
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
The other day my dog fell into a lake and was drowning. Then some German guy came out of nowhere and saved his life
After I thanked him, he said to me: "Don't vorry, just dry him off and keep him varm, he vill be fine"
I asked him, "Are you a vet?"
He answered, "Am I vet? I'm soaking"
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π
︎ Jun 02 2021
As we were walking down the driveway with the cans, I asked my son, "Did you know thereβs no official training for garbage men?" Rolling his eyes, he responded, "No, no I didn't." I continued...
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
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π
︎ Jun 08 2021
Glad I found this sub because I love telling dad jokes
...he even laughs sometimes
π︎ 263
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
It's June 1st!
π︎ 177
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
For everyone glad to be done with 2020...
... just remember next year is 2022.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Glad I could deLIVER
π︎ 40
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
I bought my Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday..
Just so glad She's now finally independent..
π︎ 1k
π
︎ May 28 2021
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo
So I had to put my foot down
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π
︎ May 14 2021
Orange you glad itβs fall??
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 24 2020
My granddaugter today (she's 8) How did the man breath underwater for so long without help?
He put a glass of water on his head!
It's the first time I have been able to see and hug her in over a year, and she made me so proud!
*Edit: So many typos in my title.
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π
︎ May 18 2021
Iβm so glad 2020 is over, but I canβt believe we have to go through it again after 2021...
After all, itβs twenty twenty too
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π
︎ Dec 31 2020
My wife always ridiculed me for having no sense of direction.....
......so one day I just packed up my stuff and right.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jun 06 2021
My girlfriend thought I'd be lonely after she broke up with me,
Little did she know that I immediately bought stocks just to have some company.
π︎ 120
π
︎ May 20 2021
I'm glad my friend enlightened me on this deal
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
Mine would just say "I'm glad you enjoyed my free Willy and we had a whale of a time, but we need to sea otter whales."
π︎ 30
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
Thatβs just unpresidented
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Iβm glad I know sign language...
...itβs become real handy
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
Orange you glad I didnβt say banana.
π︎ 65
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I donβt believe him.
But thatβs his story, and heβs sticking to it.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Is it the tar that smells like farts?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 01 2021
Glad she found it
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
Iβm so glad my post died in new!
If it had died in hot, it would have been hell!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
Where do really small apples come from?
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 08 2021
Seems like a Bassless claim to me
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
I wanted to get tickets to a comedy club until I found out they cost an arm and a leg.
When I found out why Iβm glad I didnβt go - the show wasnβt that humerus and the staff was short handed.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 02 2021
I asked the librarian if she knew the author of a dinosaur book.
She said try Sarah Topps.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
I rely on hotels so much,
I've actually become quite inn-dependent.
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π
︎ Feb 23 2021
I'm glad my cat is well trained and not aggressive
She's just purrfect or else it would have been a catastrophe.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
There was a kidnapping today at school
Luckily he woke up before the teacher saw him.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 13 2021
There are 3 types of people in this world:
Those who can count and those who cannot.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 14 2021
I was addicted to the hokey pokey
But i turned myself around
π︎ 38
π
︎ Mar 31 2021
Whatβs green and not very heavy?
π︎ 170
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastππ»β€οΈ
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!π
π︎ 18k
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
I recently bought my only Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
.. just so glad She's now finally independent.
π︎ 557
π
︎ Mar 03 2021
I'm really glad , I know sign language
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 26 2020
In spite of all our disagreements on Reddit, Iβm really glad
That everyone reading this is on the same page.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 26 2018
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