What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick
She still isn't talking to me
In college, we had a buddy who always gave us suggestions as to what booze or drugs to try.
He was the original trip advisor.
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It’s been a week now and she’s still not talking to me.
The bee keeper gave me the irresponsible bee.
It was okay, he assured me that it would beehave
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
Did you hear that McDonalds gave all their employees large laptops for Christmas?
I gave my ex wife my old vacuum
Jokes on her the thing really sucked
I gave a flat battery away today.
I gave the cat a bath last week..
I still can't taste anything
My dad gave me the golden dad joke medal for this one...
Me: You've heard of Murphy's Law, right?
Mum: Yeah.
Me: What is it?
Mum: It's to do with bad luck.
Me: Cool, have you heard of Cole's Law?
Mum: No. What is it?
Me: It's thinly sliced cabbage
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight. ;)
My wife gave birth to our baby boy otw to the hospital...
I gave my french girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in.
It means the world to her.
I gave a ps5 to my gf
I consoled her. She was crying
My partner turned 40 today so I gave him some red, red wine and told him
I gave a octopus a pie
He wasn’t to happy when it was a octopi
When Chris Hemsworth was cast by Marvel they gave him an exercise routine. When asked what he thought of it, he responded
I was Thor just thinking about it.
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
My manager gave me a disappointed look when he saw my doodle.
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
My teacher gave me some weak paper the other day
My 6 year old gave occupations to the Planters Mixed Nuts.
Cashews are bankers.
Peanuts are urologists.
And Chestnuts are plastic surgeons.
Our cooking teacher gave us a notice about the part of our upcoming exam where we'd be working with cheese wheels...
"It'll be grated on a curve."
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
I bought my son a car accessory as a surprise but my wife told him what is was before I gave it to him.
They gave me a fork because I'm not Chinese.
I hired a coach for an upcoming marathon. She gave me a run for my money.
The first woman who gave brain had an open mind.
A wise man once gave me the 3 unwritten rules of life
My coworkers gave me the nickname Mr. Compromise.
It wasn’t my first choice, but I’m okay with it.
I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
I gave up explaining to my Zen master how E-mails work.
He can't just comprehend what attachments are!
A rock's father gave him a family heirloom
It held sedimentary value
Our cow just gave birth and she's been sleeping better...
now that she's de-calf-einated.
I gave my Dad a jigsaw made from a picture of his face.
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
Did you hear about the mexican fireman whose wife gave birth to two sons?
He called them Jose and Hose B......
When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me Coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk
Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
My daughter gave me some model clay earlier.
I didn’t know what to make of it.
The other day I said "woof" to a dog but he just gave me a weird look.
I guess my accent is a little ruff.
Had a large keyboard instrument with pipes that I gave for free to my local church.
Always proud to be an organ donor.
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
A dad's wife gave birth in a car
I went to the beekeeper and asked for 12 bees, he gave me 13...
That's a free-bee be said.
I gave all my dead batteries away today
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