Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...
...an ether/oar situation...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I got gas for $1.19 today!
Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Why did the art thiefβs van run out of gas as he drove away from the museum?
Because he had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now itβs $1.50. You know why?
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︎ Jul 22 2020
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...
... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.
Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
The Price of Gas is Rising
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︎ Feb 06 2021
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
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︎ Jan 13 2021
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
I just put gas in the car
You might want to crack a window
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Do you know why laughing gas makes you laugh?
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Gas prices
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︎ Oct 23 2020
What would a car without any gas be called in Madagascar?
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I keep complementing my local gas station when training my dog.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
What has three letters and starts with gas?
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Laughing gas should be Helium instead of Nitrous Oxide.
Not only does it make your voice sound funny, but a bunch of it together goes He He He.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
All this fuel pump talk is a real gas.
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︎ Oct 10 2020
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
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︎ Sep 29 2020
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire.
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out she didn't have a license for that firearm.
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︎ Feb 28 2020
I used to only pass gas on Democrats, but now I pass gas on Republicans too.
I guess that makes me bifartisan.
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︎ Nov 22 2020
Itβs got a wooden frame, wooden engine, wooden wheels and a wooden gas tank. Did he ride it? No, wooden start
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︎ Feb 05 2020
Compressed air at gas stations used to be FREE, but now you have to pay $2!
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Itβll pass you like gas!
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︎ Sep 06 2020
How does someone learn to pass gas?
Through extensive and persistent tootelage.
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Who can drink 5 gallons of gas and not get sick?
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︎ Aug 31 2020
When my car has gas, I'm tank-full
Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
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︎ Oct 09 2020
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
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︎ Aug 08 2020
A Gas Pump
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︎ Aug 12 2020
Before my surgery my anaesthetist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
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︎ Nov 10 2019
If Dracula passed gas
It would be a Nosferatoot.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I surprised my wife by filling her car up with gas today.
She seemed pretty tank-full.
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︎ Jul 09 2020
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Which pharaoh are you when you canβt pass gas?
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︎ Jul 13 2020
I want to start a gas company that deals exclusively in fuel derived from dog fossils. Itβs going to be called Paw Petrol.
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︎ Jun 13 2020
gas football
What do you call a gas station named after a footballer?,Antoine Greasemann
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Do you know why air pumps at gas stations used to be free but are now $1.50?
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?
Heβs now a seasoned veteran
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Remember when they used to have air at the gas station for free? Now itβs $1.50
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︎ Nov 17 2020
Before air was free at the gas station, and now you have to pay for it? You know why?
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Air used to be free at gas stations, now it's $1.50. Know why?
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︎ Nov 17 2020
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
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︎ Aug 09 2020
I got gas today for $1.39.
Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.
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︎ Oct 11 2020
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?
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︎ Jul 16 2020
Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle...
It was an ether/oar situation...
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︎ Apr 29 2020
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