I came upon an amazing sarcophagus for sale, so I offered the man selling it all of the cash I had.

He said, "Sorry, I only take cryptocurrency."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BlackjackCoolio
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...

they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?" The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 39
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/smsirekcut
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Visiting the pyramids

I wasย exploring the pyramids and suddenly came across a beautiful golden sarcophagus.ย  The guide and I both gasped and farted at the same time, identical farts.ย  It was the first time I ever experienced a toot in common.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 133
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/supercman99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose deanโ€™s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

โ€œAb rack and dab rackโ€

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magicianโ€™s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked โ€œbirthday,โ€ and said:

โ€œPick a card, any cardโ€

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay thatโ€™s it. Iโ€™m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nsk09003
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My dad had me going.

Dad and I are watching a show about the Iceman.

We start talking about mummification and King Tut. I mention to him about the recent damage to the sarcophagus' beard.

He says, "Well that Sphinx."

Well done dad. Well done.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bullshitname0906
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.