Two gambling cows ate some weed.

The steaks were high.

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👤︎ u/daddyflextape
📅︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Gambling where the wager is a pepperoni slice

Playing with a pizza chit

👍︎ 5
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📅︎ Dec 17 2020
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Why should you keep at least a buck in your back pocket when you go gambling?

So you can bet your bottom dollar

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👤︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
📅︎ Sep 28 2020
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My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.

She's no better.

👍︎ 8
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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Jul 18 2020
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What do you call a herd of cows gambling at a marijuana dispensary?

High Steaks

👍︎ 65
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👤︎ u/Matttized
📅︎ Jun 21 2020
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I took a class about origami and gambling

They told me “you gotta know how to hold em, and how to fold em.”

🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️ Dad out.

👍︎ 171
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👤︎ u/Bradb717
📅︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold all my body parts to feed my gambling addiction.

Maybe I should quit while I’m a head.

👍︎ 12
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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ Jun 07 2020
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What do you call the toilet of a king with a gambling addiction?

Royal flush!

👍︎ 27
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👤︎ u/MrBirb_
📅︎ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm heartbroken. The Wife broke up with me because of my chronic gambling issues.

.. Desperate to win her back.

👍︎ 13
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👤︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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If there's no gambling in heaven...

... why do they call it para-dice?

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/Sir_Pluses
📅︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Where can you look up the definitions of drug abuse, alcoholism, and problem gambling?

Addictionary!

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/KillerFlea
📅︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna bet you 50 bucks that I am no longer addicted to gambling
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📅︎ Dec 01 2019
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My friends say I have a real gambling problem.

I bet them I could go longer than them without gambling.

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👤︎ u/saxieguy
📅︎ Jul 10 2019
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Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better

if every fifth caller was a winner

👍︎ 28
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👤︎ u/Paladium9999
📅︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I was talking to my gambling friend. I told him that I went to the races with my wife.

"Did you win?" he asked.

"Of course not," I replied. "We didn't even run."

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
a casino was offering free mexican food for all who lost more than $50 in gambling

this is because its clearly nacho lucky day if you lost that much

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/magna-terra
📅︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you wake a gambling woman?

you poker

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👤︎ u/aliceinwaterland
📅︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My gambling addicted brother has been missing for a while. Last we saw him he lost his life savings in a game of poker.

I wish he called

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👤︎ u/fat-bandit
📅︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried opening a casino even though gambling was outlawed

-And?

-No dice.

👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/MrSilbarita
📅︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
"I wish you would stop gambling!" I shouted at my son.

"You're no better yourself!" he snapped.

I said, "Exactly. That's why I don't encourage it."

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
When did Adam & Eve discover God didn't like gambling?

When he took away their pair a dice.

👍︎ 22
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👤︎ u/GregoryTheBlack
📅︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the buddhist monk with a huge gambling problem?

He likes Tibet

👍︎ 25
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👤︎ u/DitMasterGoGo
📅︎ Sep 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend. "How is your gambling addiction recovery going?"

He said, "I could be bettor."

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Dec 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Why is there no gambling in Africa?

Too many damn cheetahs.

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👤︎ u/OvaryActingJesus
📅︎ Jun 25 2013
🚨︎ report
That Coldplay song must be about a girl with a serious craps/gambling addiction.

She's always dreaming about a pair of dice.

👍︎ 7
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📅︎ Feb 09 2016
🚨︎ report
My friend said this while gambling.

My friend was just about done gambling and he said this.

Friend: well I guess I'm done. Dealer: alright I can color you up if you want. friend gives the dealer his chips Friend: I'm going to need what Obama promised us Americans? Dealer: what? Friend:"change" Dealer:....

Our other friend started laughing too hard and had to leave the area.

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👤︎ u/Modwalker
📅︎ Aug 26 2014
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My dad occasionally likes to go gambling in Atlantic City...

Me: How did you like Atlantic City?

Dad: It was great! I came home with a small fortune!

Me: Wow! How did you manage that?

Dad: Well, I left home with a large fortune.

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👤︎ u/toddo35
📅︎ Aug 01 2015
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Why is gambling illegal in savannas?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/cakeliar5421
📅︎ Jul 16 2013
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Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

(got this from my dad, in a chain email no less.)

Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas , but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks!

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📅︎ Aug 14 2014
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"What's the one answer to the question 'Gambling Problem?' you don't want to hear?

You bet. At 63, my dad's had plenty of practice

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👤︎ u/chibacha
📅︎ Dec 31 2013
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I bet you that I can quit my gambling addiction!
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👤︎ u/ExpertAccident
📅︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gambling cow on weed?

High steaks

👍︎ 31
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👤︎ u/ryzikx
📅︎ Sep 02 2017
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Why is there no gambling in Africa?

Too many Cheetahs!

👍︎ 29
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👤︎ u/GooLuster
📅︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report

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