I went to the casino to play blackjack. The dealer got 21 and I got 18.

It really wasn’t iDEAL.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/askepticalskeptic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an iguana who runs a casino?

The lizard of odds.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ekolis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Dalai Lama go to the casino?

Tibet.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the best thing about a Buddhist casino?

It’s free Tibet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kill_Them_Back
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the name of a casino that even kids can gamble in?

GameStop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/believeingodalone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Hey dad, can we stop at the casino at the next exit?

Dad: Sure, why? Son: I need to go to the bathroom and the sign says they have the best craps in the state.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dtdisfraction
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
You would think that the state that is most popular for Casino's and lucrative businesses...

...would be better at counting

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory.

At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.

He’s the Chip Monk.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When will they come to a consensus about snacks in the casino?

When everybody Lay’s their chips on the table.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arc-ion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the casino groundskeeper get fired?

He thought the 2.5% rake policy applied to leaves.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UmphreyMcCheese
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Vlad Putin’s new casino in Moscow failed.

Apparently nobody wanted to play Russian Roulette.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the Leopard they banned from the casino?

It seems they thought he was a Cheetah.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
The casino was giving a lucky winner a Toyota.

It's a Corolla of the dice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
At the casino a woman accused me of assault

And I say "But I'm the blackjack dealer, it's my job to hit people."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nicholas-Pressey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Casino Joke

So the other day I won a game of blackjack and the dealer said "Congratulations, you won 1000 chips!" I replied "Awesome! What flavor?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrNewbMcMuffin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm opening up a casino that only pays out in beef

It's called Risk it for Brisket

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/highdefbears
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I called the casino to ask why the used card decks I ordered were still undelivered.

They assured me they were dealing with it.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A midget chef had to quit his job at a casino

He said the steaks were too high

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Raath
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the casino's elevator attendant say after a cow left the elevator?

The steaks are high.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kitten_Factory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What's it called when a couple of cows are playing poker in a penthouse casino?

High steaks

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leetzylou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Had an awful meal at a casino in Las Vegas

The chips tasted of plastic.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't casinos let cattle farmers play?

They are always raising the steaks.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bingomzan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I played poker at a casino that was out of toilet paper

I had shitty hands the rest of the night.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lukewarm_tequila
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear they arrested a T-Rex after he was hired on at the casino?

He turned out to be a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 377
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/borgenhaust
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Working the poker table at the casino with my new prosthetic hand is going to be a challenge,

But I’ll learn to deal with it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gladhandz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no casinos in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetas

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Silveras918
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night my dad got kicked out of a casino.

He told me he just misunderstood the craps table.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BBBBKKKK
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
At the casino, what department did the vampire work in?

The Count Room

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to a Indian casino/hotel , the other day.

Didn't accept my reservation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesuscide
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
a casino was offering free mexican food for all who lost more than $50 in gambling

this is because its clearly nacho lucky day if you lost that much

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/magna-terra
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried opening a casino even though gambling was outlawed

-And?

-No dice.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrSilbarita
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Marie Kondo opened a casino?

Guess she knows when to hold 'em and fold 'em.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do casinos put people who are forced to listen to dad jokes?

The eye roller suite.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/George_Zip1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m an accountant for Hallmark... they throw me out of casinos now because I’m a β€œprofessional card counter”.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/serion15
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why aren’t there Vegas-style casinos in Africa?

Too many cheetahs.

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Why was John Milton banned from the casino?

Every time he came in, there was a pair of dice lost.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GTBartleBee
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Daughter said she was doing shitty at the casino

I said, β€œWhat’re you playing, craps?”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lookleftyoufailed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why aren't there any casinos in africa?

Because of all the cheetahs

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/toodaysthrownaway
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget chef who left his job at the casino?

He said the steaks were too high.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m4cktheknife
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no casinos in Africa!

Because they are too many CHEETAHS!!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firethon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why aren't there any casinos in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deutschbag17
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
🚨︎ report

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