"No Time To Die" movie is delayed. Thread goes full-pun mode
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
What did the dad say to his son when he became afraid of the full moon?
"Don't worry! It's just a phase it's going through!"
I dreamt last night I was swimming in an ocean full of orange soda. Then I woke up..
..and realized it was just a Fanta sea.
What happens to Werewolf's house when its the full moon?
It becomes a warehouse.
Credit to Haldzur, the newest dad in our party.
I like going out during a full moon...
...but my lycanthropy gives me pause.
What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?
Optimist: "That cup is half full."
Pessimist: "That cup is half empty."
Engineer: "Why are we making the cups so big?"
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I'm fat, because I'm full of experiences...
.....and most of these experiences involved Mexican food.
What country that is never full?
What do you call a plane full of tired pilots?
Life is full of complications....
Even when you're born, there is a string attached.
Today I saw an ad that said "radio for sale, $1, volume knob stuck on full."
I thought, "I can't turn that down."
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...
What happened when the cargo ship full of books sank?
My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...
...but then my life would be meetingless.
A van full of terrapins ran into a truck full of tortoises.
It was a near turtle disaster.
I am trying to figure out whether that fuel tanker in front of me is full or not.
Your gas is as good as mine.
Policeman: What's your name? Me: The Wizard of Oz. Policeman: What's your full name?
Me (quietly): The Wizard of Ounces.
Here we see two birds of prey in full action
Or nuns as they are more commonly clawed
What do you call a Cruise liner full of academics?
My dad isn’t usually one full of dad jokes, but he hit me with a great one today.
For context, my dad had a leg amputation a few months back but he’s been in mostly good spirits about it. We were talking about places to eat in our area, and he asked where one of the fast food restaurants was around here, so I said “It’s at the intersection, where the IHOP is.”
Dad replied, “Oh, that’s my favorite place to get breakfast.”
I never got food with my dad at IHOP before so I was confused, but then it dawned on me what he meant. 😐
Did you hear about the Dad who spent a full 365 days assembling crèches for Churches ?
It was a Year of Living Mangerously.
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
Full credits to u/xibang.
What do you call a warehouse full of ottomans?
Why did the Amazon package wake up in a bathtub full of ice?
Because it was de-livered.
What is the longest word?
Smiles. Because there's a mile between the two s.
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of stuff
It is enough to make a mango crazy
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a truck full of broccoli?
To get away, they really had to floret.
I told a Jesus joke to a room full of atheists...
no one believed
it was funny
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?
.... because they’re full of anty bodies
A van full of terrapins crashed into a van full of tortoises.
It was a turtle disaster!
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."
I saw an ad in a shop window, "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full"
I thought, "I can't turn that down".
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