A falling tree always sounds like a dog

Because of the bark.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/globalklaus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckarooBanzii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
While taking a fall foliage tour through Canada last year, our guide asked us what we thought of their trees.

I told him they look oak-eh.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
If a tree falls on an Athieist's house...

Is it still considered an act of God?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/villareale52
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
How do we know that a tree makes a sound if it falls in the forest?

Because it will dialogue.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Every fall, after all the foliage falls from my trees, the trees suddenly sprout new foliage. It makes me laugh.

I guess I like the comic releaf.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it

It means my illegal logging business is a success

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taylorgs12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the lumberjack yell when the tree bent but didn't fall?

Limber!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ICWhatsNUrP
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the money fall off the tree ?

Because it had no arms

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyroundballs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...

... then my illegal logging operation is a great success.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed

Why did the tree moo?

Because there was a cow stuck in it!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomhead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old cousins best joke yet: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hippoplatypus7
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
In the forest, a sad lonely looking turtle begins to climb slowly up a huge tree. Half way up, it edges along a branch, sighs, then jumps. It falls smacking into the ground, bouncing and tumbling across the forest floor...

Recovering and bruised, he slowly climbs the tree again, jumps and falls to the ground.

The turtle tries again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watch his pathetic efforts.

Finally, the female bird turns to her mate, β€œDarling, don't you think it’s time to tell him he’s adopted?"

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
When our trees lost their leaves last fall I told my son the trees had died. He said they’ll get new leaves in the spring.

I said β€œOh. That’s a releaf!”

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justjong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead! Ahahaha.

My dad wasn’t very good at jokes

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brisingrblade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead asleep

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuvksme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
🚨︎ report
The Apple doesn't fall far from the Tree

Son: "Dad where did I come from?"

Dad: "One day your mother and I were walking through an apple orchard..."

Son rolls eyes: "And you grabbed an apple not far from a tr..."

Dad: "I slipped in cider."

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do people care only when a tree falls in the woods?

Trees spring, winter and summer in the woods too (Because they're stationery).

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turddicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
🚨︎ report
What does the Swedish Chef get if he falls out of a tree?

A borken leg.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/652Graystripe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
🚨︎ report
Saw a tree fall today

Dad - Saw some guys chop down a tree today

Me - And how was that?

Dad - Strange there was 4 guys doing it.

Me - How is that strange.

Dad - I thought there would have been tree fellers.

Three fellas/Tree fellers

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/That_dumb_guy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
🚨︎ report
This apple didn't fall far from the tree

Bit of context: Mum and dad are visiting my house which I'm renovating. Today's job is to put on new doors. We are sitting watching TV and finish watching a few episodes.

I say, "ah well these doors aren't suicidal".

Mum gives a quizzical look.

Dad says, "yep they won't hang themselves."

Same wavelength.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moves_like_Norris
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2014
🚨︎ report
If A Tree Falls In A Dollar Store… Β» Funny & Stupid Customer Stories – Not Always Right notalwaysright.com/if-a-t…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FX114
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?

Because they're very good at it.

EDIT: If your looking for animal jokes, read the comments section.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
🚨︎ report
The Coffin Joke

Three brothers are trick or treating near a shady house. Suddenly, a spider appears on the first brothers arm causing him to scream in shock. This causes the second brother to run away in fear only to get hit over the head by a dead tree branch. The third brother tries to escape but trips over a coffin. Filled with fright, the three brothers decide to go back home before they are stopped by a ghost that informs them, β€œThe items you have encountered today will kill you in exactly 20 years.” and vanishes into thin air. Understandably, the three brothers were terrified out of their wits and ran back to their house.

20 years later on Halloween, the first brother has booby trapped and spider-proofed his entire house. Unfortunately, he accidently runs into a wall causing a black widow to fall on his arm and killing him.

The second brother has prepared for many years and made sure that he was nowhere near any trees. However, he somehow miscalculated by one day and was killed when a lightning bolt struck a tree causing it to fall and crush him.

The third brother completely forgot about the ghost’s warning and was having dinner with his wife. His allergies were really acting up that night, so he decided to go to a pharmacy to purchase some allergy medicine. Suddenly, without any warning, the entire store goes dark and a giant coffin appears in front of him, opens up, and starts moving towards him. Remembering his frightful Halloween over 20 years ago, the brother starts desperately throwing everything in sight towards the coffin but to no avail. Now there is nothing else left other than a lone bottle of NyQuil. In one last brave attempt, the brother throws the bottle of NyQuil at the coffin and it miraculously vanishes.

Because NyQuil keeps the coffin’ away.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schosple-collopis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't the T-rex clap?

Because it's dead.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LiquidZeroEA
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Newton only discover gravity under a tree?

Because the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I dropped my phone and found it under an oak.

I guess the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89iroc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 263
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaneKerman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?

A pool table!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s green, fuzzy and when it falls down from trees can kill?

A pool table πŸ˜–

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What is green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelscarnfbi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What's green and fuzzy and'll hurt you if it falls out of a tree?

a pool table

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oromanko10
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What's green, fuzzy and will kill you if it falls out a tree?

A pool table

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3B3stSayori
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pdxbilly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If a tree falls in the forest and no one can hear it..

it's a gif!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juananimez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trans_trish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2017
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A classic but it still makes me laugh.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CitrusThomas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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