I got tired of flipping the little switch on my rear view mirror to dim the headlights.

So I removed the whole mirror.

I haven’t looked back since.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently people make money flipping houses.

I tried the other day but mine is far too heavy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What do I say to my gf when she's on her periods and is flipping out on every damn thing I say?

Your ovary-acting.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaanman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺWhat did the 25-cent coins do after a round of flipping?‬

They retired to their separate quarters‬

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream last night where I was driving with one hand and flipping pancakes with the other...

I was tossing and turning all night...

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I decided to try my hand at house flipping

But it was too heavy

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Sister: "So I've decided to start flipping houses"

Her Husband: "I hope you have a big enough spatula"

I lost it

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boessel
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2015
🚨︎ report
flipping houses

On the radio, an ad that asks you to call and learn how to make millions flipping houses.

Me: but how would you fit the pancake turner underneath a house?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/perkinsms
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
🚨︎ report
If your boat flips you can wear it on your head.

Because it capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VegetarianReaper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why scuba divers flip backwards when going into the water?

Because if they flipped forward, they'd fall into the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 241
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashlingwilde
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Flip flops are fun. Every time you take a step....

....it's like a high five for your foot.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...

It was a flop.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
i once attended a black-tie affair in flip-flops

it was quite the sandal.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was cooking burgers with my friend Nicky when I flipped one up high and hit him with it, just below the chin...

It was a Nick neck patty whack.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prexzan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Infiniti that flipped upside down on the freeway?

No one really knows what happened to it, but most people think it just disappeared.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My boat flipped over during a storm, so I decided to wear it on my head. After all...

It was capsized.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
There are 4 lizards chilling in the ceiling, one of them did a back flip. How many are left in the ceiling?

None, as the rest clapped and cheered.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jumpman707
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Watching John Wick 2 the other night. While Keanu and Common are fighting while both holding the knife the tables turn and Keanu flips the knife around and thrusts it into Commons chest...again while both holding the grip. To which I turn to to my family and say

At least the both have something "in" common.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PoiSINNEDsoul73
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
New to reddit. How do I flip the orientation to where everything isn't upside down?
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Squachee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m the kind of guy that would yell β€œLanguage” whenever anyone curses. My friend yelled out the F-bomb. I said β€œLanguage.” She then flipped me off.

SIGN LANGUAGE

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RolandoDR98
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the local petrol station

There was nothing coming out of the nozzle. I walked to the kiosk and i said, have you got your pumps on? He said, no, I'm wearing flip-flops

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/northernsou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I once fell in love while doing a front flip!

I was head over heels...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puddlepirate20
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife yelled, β€œHey, the sun’s coming out!” So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.

Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter can't decide if she wants to be a neurologist or a proctologist.

I told her to flip a coin... heads or tails.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My 8 year old brother made this one: How does the fish cross the road?

It wears flip FLOPS!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditSinn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I flipped a coin 15 times and it always landed on tails.

I'm starting to think that it's more than just a coin-cidence.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/89odev
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why Did The Cook Want to Become a Writer?

Because he wanted to flip the script!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dezorg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't cows wear flip flops?

They lactose.

Edit test.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/derawin07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq Δ± ǝɯıʇ Κ‡sɐן ǝΙ₯Κ‡ sΔ± sΔ±Ι₯Κ‡
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What shoe can’t make up its mind?

Flip flops.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AbortedMunk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom found a 1975 quarter online for $150. Here’s how it went

i look up the coin online and it is worth $6 in mint condition and tell her the value

My mom: we should ask if they’ll negotiate

Me: we should buy it and see if we can flip it.

I’m 16 and fear for my future kids.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shump23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I had an ex-gf who was so strong she could juggle her mom

She was mother flipping strong.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/not_flexy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of chips wear flip-flops?

Free-toes

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lzink2244
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk

Oh, the tables have turned

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AviTheBirb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
*nurse flips on a light switch*

β€œThe Doctor will see you now.”

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremysayshi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I was walking backwards in flip flops

And they went pilf spolf.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture...

But when I got home, the tables were turned...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I heard Gwen Stephani is taking over for BlackStreet on their next Tour

.........Yup It's No Diggity. Instead No doubt.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mutatst
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A Panda Walks into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.

The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.

He approaches the panda regardless and asks, β€œWhat can I get you?”

The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.

The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.

The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.

But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.

The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, β€œWhy?”

The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.

The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…

β€œPanda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Donorob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I got tired of flipping the little switch on my rear view mirror to dim the headlights.

So I removed the whole mirror.

I haven’t looked back since.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThriveBrewing
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the angry pancake?

He just flipped.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the motorola razr considered to be an angry phone ?

cause it’s always flipping out.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anandy1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I fell in love with your mother while doing a back flip.

I was head over heels

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirMalcolmK
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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