Started an OnlyFans account. Pretty excited for my early retirement
In my early years I gave my friend an owl
Back then I used to give a hoot.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Early breakfast
I passed a cafe serving Early Bird breakfast
... do those birds lay fresher eggs?
Why do police get to riots early?
Early this month scientists found out...
...and went directly in again
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
If the early bird gets the worm, what does the early worm get?
Why did the scandinavian runner leave the race early?
Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
Why did the riot cop leave for work early?
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.
Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
When I went to university in the early 80's I decided to do my thesis on procrastination.
I guess I should really get around to starting it.
Why did a pirate drop out of school early?
Why do riot police arrive early to the protests?
... so they can beat the crowds!
Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)
I had to leave the Neanderthal comedy club early
The humor was too lowbrow
Australians are at it nice and early
I got to open a present early. It was anti-gloating cream
I can't wait to rub it in
Why are people in Moscow always so early to meetings?
Because they're Russian to them!
Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?
To beat the crowd.
Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.
8yo nephew's an early bloomer. Gets home, tells his dad, "There was a kidnaping at school today." Dad: "What!?!" 8yo, dead serious, -
"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.
I just read that times were real tough for musicians in the early 17th century...
Did you hear that the latest north pole expedition was ended two weeks early?
They got there ok but then things went south.
do you know why police like to arrive early at riots?
They like to beat the crowd!!!!
how do we know early man was nomadic?
they were meander-thals. came up with it at work today. full disclosure: not a dad, but i'll be an uncle soon.
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: It’s bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
Why do the police show up early to peaceful protest?
They like to beat the crowds.
I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.
I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."
I just wish, that I had made early investments in hand sanitizer, on the Stock Markets..
.. Somebody, somewhere, is rubbing their hands together.
Why did the doctor leave early ?
Early scientists would watch the world spin for 24 hours...
Then they got bored and called it a day.
I was driving behind this guy and realized he is celebrating a whole year early!!
While on my early morning walk I came across a man look very sad
I stopped and asked him what the matter was, he told me his dog had died. I gave my sympathies and offered to get him another one, he just looks at me and says "sure what would I do with two dead dogs".
In the early 1900's, a number of protests arose because of employment of children in coal mines.
I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.
Why did bicycle go to bed early? Because it was two-tired
Why did the sponge wake up early?
To get the moist out of the day.
Why do the people of Athens not wake up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early ?
Because dawn is tough on Greece
Why don't people in Athens get up early?
Because dawn is tough on Greece
People in Athens hate getting up early
Because Dawn is tough on Greece
Why do the police show up early to the riots?
Why do people in Athens hate getting up early?
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Why does the riot police get up so early?
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