I heard the Kool Aid man is starting a baseball team.
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
I'm starting a band called Blanket.
I’m thinking of starting an innovative condom manufacturing company.
Decided to call it Lay Techs.
I'm starting to get sick of driving on icy roads.
Up until now I was willing to let it slide.
Today I'm starting diarrhoea awareness week....
What do you call a reptile that's always starting shit on social media?
A friend of mine has starting collecting mirrors
Personally, I don't know what he sees in them.
I was starting to get worried about my Karma points on Reddit...
But getting over it was a piece of cake.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
Our first single is "Bread or Alive."
I'm starting a new dating service in Prague.
Starting the new year on the toilet, posting this...
I guess you could say it's a crappy start
I'm starting a combination of a Frozen Yogurt shop and a news stand.
It will be called FroYo Information.
My 1 year old is starting to smell funky...
She hasn't had a diaper change all year!
I got my grandma a new walking frame made by NASA and she's starting to get the hang of it...
It's one small step for Nan....
I'm thinking of starting a newspaper based upon 2020...
I think it'll be called The Trying Times.
I’m starting a chiropractic business specializing in homeopathic & aromatherapy approaches...
I’m starting to lose trust in the cross eyed girl I’m dating.
I think she’s seeing other people on the side.
I'm starting up a festive business where I attach Christmas bells to men's neckwear..
Good Tie-dings to all men!
It’s crazy, all these people running these virtual races, starting all over the place.
Where do we draw the line?
Robin: “The Batmobil isn’t starting!” Batman: “Did you charge the battery?”
Robin: “What the hell is a tery?”
I'm starting to believe this 'flat earth' thing...
... every photo I've seen of the earth is flat!
Did you hear that U.S. Mail is starting a freight delivery service to compete with FedEx and UPS?
Since his political career is almost over the US vice president is starting his own soda company.
It's called Pence-a-cola.
A woman starting a hike at the Grand Canyon asked me how the trail was as I reached the top
I said “it’s all downhill from here!”
I'm starting a business in airports selling bags with the faces of Sid James, Hattie Jacques, Kenneth Williams, Charles Hawtrey and Joan Sims on them.
It'll be called "Carry On Baggage".
I'm thinking about starting a social media network for chickens
But not as a full-time job, just as a way to make hens meet.
Ramadan is starting today. To all my Muslim friends who are observing this holy month, I have one thing to say.
Was at a dinner with a chemist when all of a sudden she became angry and starting throwing sodium chloride at me.
I'm pretty sure that's a salt.
My brother is starting a history degree and one of his modules is studying the Stuarts
My dad asked, "Jackie or Rod?"
A friend of mine is starting a new business... he thinks there's going to be a huge demand for cannabis-fed cattle.
I thought about investing, but the steaks are too high.
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
I don't know much about starting a family
But there's a vas deferens between fertility and infertility
Siri kept calling me Shirley this morning. I was starting to get really pissed off, and then I realized why...
I left my phone in Airplane mode
Wanted to get fit by starting running. Bought a book called How to Jog.
Imagine my disappointment when I realised it was Volume 9 of a 24-Volume encyclopaedia.
What are butchers always starting fights?
I'm thinking of starting a candle making company.
My family doesn't think it's a good idea, but I keep assuring them it makes scents.
Amazon is starting a new service where they deliver custom made shirts to your door within 48 hours.
They are calling it Tailor Swift.
I'm thinking about starting a company to provide Wi-Fi in public swimming areas.
I'm going to call it IP in Pools
Mailman here, just starting my shift. Thought I would just..
They’re demoting me from food server to host starting Monday.
I'm starting a company of recycling chewing gum,
I just need some help to get it off the ground
My friend and I are starting a weed farm
I’m starting an all male cover band of an all female country band.
We are... The Chickse Dicks!
I'm starting a new dating service in Prague
Robin: “The Batmobil isn’t starting!” Batman: “Did you charge the battery?”
Robin: “What the hell is a tery?”
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