Watching the movie ' Grease ' to take my mind off some vaccine side effects, however..

I got chills..they're multiplying.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrandMoffTarkan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy asks Pinocchio if he wants to take a day off from working at Gepetto’s workshop to see a bonfire.

Pinocchio says, β€œI would, but I’m afraid of getting fired”.

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πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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So this plane takes off, am I right??

...I guess not every joke lands

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mau5ofcards
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
i cant believe i got fired from the calendar factory, all i did was take a day off.
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Soviet Union never take off?

Because they kept Stalin 🀠🀠🀠

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MartinsChair
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I’ve been trying to solve a complicated maths question to take my mind off my constipation. Today, using only a pencil and sheer determination...

I finally worked it out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed medication but couldn't take it. It was impossible to get that damn lid off...

You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
"Dad can you take your prosthetic off the table?"

"No, I'm trying to get a leg up."

(my actual amputee father)

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnlyHere4Info
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a plumber take off his shoes?

He unclogs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shnopps
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A girl told me to take off her shirt and skirt

Then she told me to take off her heels and bra, then she told me to take her panties off. And then she told me to stop wearing her clothes

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yuri-123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zecomics
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife hates when she takes off her dark socks and has fuzz between her toes.

She's black toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tgpo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
"Hey son, would you like to watch the airplane take off?"

"Nah, that's boeing"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pizzapost
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife couldn't take her bra off.

It was a boobytrap.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuurmanSnoek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a frog take off a bandaid?

They ribbit

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommygunz20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I always take my mask off before going outside.

I'm afraid I'll wear it out.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the computer take its Hat off?

Because it had its CAPS LOCK on.

Edit- North of 4k upvotes, Thank You Kind Strangers.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatindiandood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought my airplane joke would really take off

But instead it just crashed and burned

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Henry5705
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Indian restaurant take their bread off the appetizer menu?

It was a Naan starter.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffreyPetersen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Stripper takes it all off on one nightstand v.redd.it/ojpcdjwhjqp01
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealBoomboy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
🚨︎ report
You know, I was gonna take off my socks

But then I got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usermane3000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Today I couldn’t take my hat off.

I guess you could say it was in caps lock.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DashMasterYT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It takes a lot of balls to pull this off
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Gamers_Guide
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes we take game spin-offs for grant-ed
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisismyfirstday
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My first pun on here. I really hope it takes off.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissiKross
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to take the brakes off my brand new car today.

They were just slowing me down.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do you take a dog when it’s tail falls off?

The retail store

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoKroger
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I have posted about 10 puns on this subreddit to see if they would take off.

But no pun intendid

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaBo9496
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œTake off”
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
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I was about to make a pun about Planes but then i realised it would never take off

If you've seen this pun before i didn't copy it, it is Just an easy pun to think of.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuripelkmans
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why will my dad take his glasses off as soon as the clock strikes midnight this New Year?

So he can say he now has 2020 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My job lets me take a week off as long as I live at the Sigma Chi house and totally throw down with the bros.

It's paid fraternity leave.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frasier_n_Chill
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens when Iron Man takes off his suit?

He's Stark naked

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tacotanner
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Take the day off camera, I’ll put on the 10 pounds on my self.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WMcm0501
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
When flies take off their trousers do they start by undoing their humans?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEZTURNER
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Do they call the first episode of a show the pilot to see if it will take off?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucatchu947
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend has this weird addiction where he walks into a room and takes the batteries off all clocks.

He claims he can stop it at any time.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?

I guess that’s debaitable.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeatsackKY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
After struggling to take my wife’s bra off for 20 minutes, I finally decided to give up.

I’m now really regretting having put it on.

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
So do you think the glass coffin industry will take off?

remains to be seen

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
People have a misconception that if you take the shell off snails, it will go faster...

But they just end up being sluggish.

Edit: Don't thank me, the wife laid this one on me just now. I told her was going to post this on reddit, she said we've run out of stamps.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bthefreeman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2015
🚨︎ report
An off duty cop lost his luggage at the airport. Luckily it didn't take him long to find.

It was a briefcase.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Dibsy-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
You’re walking down the road and you feel something in your shoe. You take off your shoe and find a smaller shoe inside. What would be the only way to describe that?

Instepcion

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hailey0720
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My Math Professor takes days off from work by faking minor injuries.

I shouldn’t have taken a class with Dr. Fibin Ouchie.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...

TRYOPENIN

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the computer take its Hat off?

Because it had its CAPS LOCK on.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RottenMind62
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
🚨︎ report

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