I asked my mom and dad what they were doing downstairs, they said they were wrapping
So I said they'll have to preform for me sometime
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
π︎ 17k
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︎ May 06 2020
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.
You would be too if you lived under a Rock.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldnβt smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
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︎ Aug 03 2020
My wife was walking downstairs with the laundry, and dropped it when she missed a step.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 16 2020
My downstairs neighbor complains that whenever I eat Doritos on my porch, it gets all over him on his patio. As usual, he's exaggerating.
He just has a chip on his shoulder.
π︎ 100
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︎ Jun 21 2020
I walked downstairs to find my daughter eating cereal in complete darkness
I asked her, "What kind of psycho eats cereal in the dark?"
"A cereal killer" she replied.
I have taught her well.
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︎ Jan 29 2020
Why didnβt Dwayne Johnsonβs downstairs neighbor recognize him?
Because heβs been living under a rock.
π︎ 338
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︎ Dec 14 2019
Why can't sweet Jimmy play downstairs?
He needs to use the stairway to havefun
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 01 2020
My wife yelled, βHey, the sunβs coming out!β So I wore my shorts and flip flops and came downstairs.
Found my son holding hand with his boyfriend.
π︎ 8k
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︎ Sep 14 2018
I walked downstairs this morning and my mom said "You're up!"
My dad then proceeded to say "Asia!"
Of course we were confused so then he said "What? I thought we were naming continents."
π︎ 2k
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︎ Apr 19 2015
I was running late getting the kids ready this morning. We finally got downstairs and I yell for my daughter. "Oh no sweetie! Look at what happened! Who peed on the counter!?"
https://imgur.com/a/vYT7ZBx
She's 3. "Dad...that's...a pea. Not...pee."
"That's what I said. Pea!'
ΰ² ΰ²Ώ_ΰ²
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 24 2019
My wife came downstairs this morning and laughed, "You had too much to eat yesterday and you've got a hangover, don't you?!" "You don't get a hangover from eating too much!" I challenged.
She dug, "You do! For goodness sake, loosen your belt, it's disgusting!"
π︎ 21
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︎ Dec 27 2018
Dad went to bed, then came downstairs 5 minutes later to ask if I got his text
Check my phone,
"iTired...there's a nap for that"
π︎ 1k
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︎ Nov 29 2015
A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs":
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8, 9, 10, 11.
π︎ 115
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︎ Mar 30 2017
I have a half dozen numbered storage βbaysβ that I keep downstairs, all my camping equipment is in the last one, so every camping trip starts with me getting back to bay six.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 10 2019
My brother and I were carrying a couch downstairs...
My dad while carrying a lamp: "Looks like I got the light load"
π︎ 475
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︎ Sep 02 2015
Last night while eating spaghetti downstairs, I said βWow itβs chilly down here.β
Without skipping a beat my husband responds
βI thought it was spaghetti?β
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 18 2018
How do monkeys get downstairs?
They slide down the bananaster.
π︎ 36
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︎ Nov 13 2017
What do you call a snobby criminal walking downstairs?
A condescending con descending.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 09 2017
Upstairs, Downstairs: a dad's malicious compliance
I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well.
> Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 11 2018
I sewed my dad's hand up after a glass related incident. After an hour or two and a couple drinks, I hear him yelling downstairs, "I FOUND AN IPAD IN THE MEDICINE CABINET!"
m.imgur.com/QUpaMIC
π︎ 44
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︎ Oct 29 2013
My dad shouted downstairs, "There's a big leak at your TV"
π︎ 60
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︎ Nov 19 2013
Bought a new hatchet yesterday. Came downstairs to find this note on it this morning.I think my dad is trying to teach me something about putting things away... [xpost /r/funny]
π︎ 36
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︎ Sep 15 2013
A quick guide on "How to fall downstairs"...
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8, 9, 10, 11...
π︎ 102
π
︎ Mar 09 2017
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