Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to β€œDon’t Stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Yes don't forget to take it.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whiskey_risky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't like the fast and furious movies

There are too many spoilers

πŸ‘︎ 386
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't you dare CONSOLE my family
πŸ‘︎ 292
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nis_sama
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"

Me: "But my name isn't David."

Doctor: "I know, I'm David."

πŸ‘︎ 987
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My dad always told me β€œdon’t be quick to find faults”.

Good man, terrible geologist.

πŸ‘︎ 968
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ants get sick?

They have little anty bodies

(Courtesy of my fellow dad LT)

πŸ‘︎ 154
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/em_79
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
We don’t have any vegetable jokes on this Subreddit yet...

So if you do, lettuce know.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedudenamedjay
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrandMoffTarkan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
They just don’t taste right!
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gacha_gurlOwO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I still don't have a gig :(

https://preview.redd.it/tk1v0lp7h1o61.jpg?width=505&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=530120c95be4cb518e38750c9bec9a38d1d07d6a

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WDG_Atuck07
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I use big words I don’t fully understand.

It makes me sound more photosynthesis.

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EliteCombatWombat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?

.... because they’re full of anty bodies

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't ban me...
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geffenizlude
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't you hate it when a cranberries song gets stuck in your head

In your head in your heeeaaad

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in palm trees?

They’re good at it.

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cosmic_Fox_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
  1. Always
  2. Coming
  3. From
  4. Take
  5. Me
  6. Down
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Some people don't believe in evolution.

They're primate change deniers.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boredboi69WR
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
You don't want to get on a tree's bad side.

It can get pretty shady.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Dune tell me you don't like this pun
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/interesseret
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.

There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know garbage men don't get any training?

They just pick things up as they go along.

πŸ‘︎ 391
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/puddlejumpers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.

...it’s a matter of wife or death.

πŸ‘︎ 538
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joepopp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife and I don't want kids

So if anyone does, we can drop them off tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m giving away a pair of gloves that don’t fit me anymore.

Can somebody come take them off my hands?

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't mean to brag, but...

cashiers are always checking me out.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vladipus223
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't get how it's possible to reduce the social distancing requirement from six feet to three feet.

In almost all cases its impossible to have three feet between 2 people.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bay-to-the-apple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t hate leg day..

It’s the two days after I can’t stand!!

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
If you don't pay your exorcist....

...you get repossessed.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't like my friends either.
πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whiskey_risky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t usually tell dad jokes.

Because when I do, he never laughs!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BenjiScott01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't blind people like skydiving?

It scares the dogs!

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/generichumanNo9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I don't know whether the chicken or the egg came first.

You could say I'm eggnostic.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Morpheyz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
don’t spell part backwards

it’s a trap

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenman2359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't chicken coups really work?

Chickens don't have fire-arms.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dulkan13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"

Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder? Wife: ...

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ovrwrkdundrpaid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Daylight Savings pun. I don’t want to spring ahead. I want my Auerbach.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/time910
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife said, β€œI don’t understand the science behind human cloning.”

I said, β€œThat makes two of us.”

πŸ‘︎ 150
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
If you don't laugh, Moooooove along ;)
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Two wrongs don’t make a right

But two wrights make an airplane.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I don’t really publicize the fact that I’m Thor’s brother.

I keep it low-key.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I don’t know what he laced them with but, I’ve been tripping all day....
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtOfPuns
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t photons ever need help with their luggage?

They’re traveling light.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report

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