Card Pun

The day was raining like fish blown up by dynamite. The only jacket I had for the situation was fire Red with layered protection from such fish. I'm going to my college computer lab, trying to get my 24 hours of time in there done. It requires you to sign in with your student ID.

"May I see you card?" the teacher asks.

"Sure... So, how much time do I have allotted?" I asked after she signed me in.

"Huh? Oh, wait, sorry, can I see your card again? "

"Wait, I don't own a Cardigan"

Being an English teacher, she smiled and caught it quickly, "No, your card, but your jacket might suffice otherwise."

Edit: This might be too much setup for a stiff joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragonmind
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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My best friend gave me this today because I'm obsessed with pigs & it is the best card I've ever gotten. reddit.com/gallery/lkaalp
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cadaverkitten94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...

"You know, one would have been enough."

πŸ‘︎ 479
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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This card had me in stitches.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lak2158
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.

I guess it's worth a shot.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ixfd64
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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Cards against huge-manatees
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrReeRee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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Not one of my illegitimate kids sent me a birthday card....

Bastards.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Sales are down, so my boss asked why the greeting cards aren't moving

I told him it's because they are stationary

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards.

That's right. The steaks were pretty high.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket

.. Only got 20%Off

πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuisCAG
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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I went into the kitchen this morning and there was a "Get better soon" card on the table for me. I called out to my wife asking what it was for because I wasn't sick.

She shouted back from the other room "It's an ultimatum."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,

on Sonday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I wore a credit card costume yesterday, I think I'll wear it today

So I'll wear a cardigan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Two women were sharing the same ID card

Sharon is Karen

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MomsSpoghetti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I Was Told You Might Like My Valentines Day Cards ;)
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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I got addicted to a card game...

...My dad told me to snap out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
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What's everyone been using to scrape ice off their cars? I have been using a discount card.

Only been getting 25% off.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hirsty19784
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Painted a Christmas card for a friend who hates puns....
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My poker cards yesterday were so shitty

Straight flush

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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What is a Jedi's favorite card game?

Qui-Gon Jinn

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curmudgeon1836
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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The only gift I got for Christmas was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.

Must be from my Uncle Ben.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pengu_62
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Pokemon cards? Yeah i've got a small collection.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Oh My Gourd! I Made These Gift Card Holders!
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MosswoodMama
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I just tried scraping ice off my windscreen with a loyalty card....

I only managed to get 20% off.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/radiofirey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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How does a pirate clean cards?

He swabs the deck

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gameboy90
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Cashier: Sir can I have your card again?

Me: its a sweater and no you can't have it.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/donkey_Dealer08
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Dad joke christmas card? βœ”οΈ
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mythologization
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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When can card games break the laws of thermodynamics?

When it's Solid-air

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wholesome_cream
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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I really like that actress in β€œHouse of Cards,” β€œManhattan” and β€œThe Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.”

I’m a Rachel Brosnafan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/backalleywillie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I was really moved when I realized my mother let me win at cards.

It meant a great deal to me.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taco_Pie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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2020 Puns for this years Holiday cards

So I am trying to think of something to put on our family’s Christmas card. The only thing I can think of is β€œhindsight is 2020”.

I am however 100% sure you amazing people can come up with something much better for this dumpster fire of a year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shosh27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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My wifes bank card was stolen 3 days ago.

So far they have spent less than her everyday, so I'm not saying anything.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrBrianWeldon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Which card in a deck can fix your dog?

The King of Spade.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Why did the fish have a bad report card?

because his teacher was crappe

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buddistnuddist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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As I handed my dad his 53rd birthday card, he said,

"You know, 1 would have been fine"

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItMeGatoradeMan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
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A couple of cows were smokin’ a joint and playin’ cards...

...that’s right, the steaks were pretty high.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PirateboarderLife
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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Guess what my Dad said when I handed him his 55th birthday card

He said β€œThanks Son, but one would be enough”

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenman2359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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A farmer noticed some cows smoking weed and playing cards

The steaks were getting pretty high

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 900
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunken-ship-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheFirst
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he broke down into tears.

He turned towards me and said, "One would've been enough, son."

πŸ‘︎ 926
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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All I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.

I’m having a hard time dealing with this.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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