Crime is getting worse where I live, so my dad decided to give me some protection and boxed up his trusty 9mm, a big and a small clip and a bunch of shells for me! [Xpost /r/funny]
https://imgur.com/2ylrnpK
My wife spent years perfecting blue box macaroni and cheese.
It took a long time, but she finally honed her Kraft.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
Do you wanna box for your leftovers?
No but I’ll wrestle you for them.
I found a knife at the bottom of my ornament box (no idea why) so I picked it up and announced “‘twas the knife before Christmas!”
Buying a box of Duraflame logs always requires a little thought...
I have to decide if I have $20 to burn.
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain
Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.
I once had a faulty box of Corn Flakes so I called up Kellogg's customer services to see if they could help.
Unfortunately they weren't able to help me in the end as I wasn't able to find the box's cereal number.
Thai girls are like a box of chocolates....
You never know which ones have the nuts.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
Life is like a box of chocolates...
It's destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.
My waiter asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I said, "No but I'll wrestle you for them."
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
Not many know this, but Chewbacca actually led a double life as a boxing champion.
He was as famous for his barrage of punches as he was for his rhyming taunts before a big match.
The called him the Jabberwookie.
Her personality is like a box of Tide
All it does is deter gents
I got called pretty today.
...well, actually, the full statement was “you’re pretty annoying”, but I only focus on positive things.
Last night I had a dream that I ate a 50 lb marshmallow.
This morning I woke up and my pillow was gone.
Today is the 13th anniversary of my father passing and this was my favorite joke that he used to tell. Enjoy.
What did the ship’s cat use instead of a litter box?
Did you hear about the spies who planted tiny microphones inside a box of tic-tacs?
I bought a box of condoms from the store the other day and the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag
I said “nah, I’ll just turn the lights off.”
What transformer is made out of cardboard box and arrives in two days?
Al Gore Beat-Boxing
What do you call Al Gore beat-boxing/rapping?
An Al-Gore-Rythm 😁
Every morning, I wake up to find someone has dumped a box of play doh in front of my door.
I don’t know what to make of it.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
I was kidnapped by mimes once
They did unspeakable things to me
The prison fundraising boxing tournament was on again off again
The warden had to weigh the pros and cons
Do you guys want to know what I put in the wooden box I made and threw in the ocean?
Never mind it’s a sea-crate....
(I made this up please don’t murder me)
Did you know: in boxing, it’s extremely important to have perfect form when going against a new fighter...
because the fist impression is everything.
My boyfriend’s cat, Jack, recently discovered the Amazon box lying on the floor. He jumped in and started playing in it. I guess you can say....
If a friend left you 12 bottles of wine on your doorstep, would you be extremely....
I lost a boxing match with a pirate.
He had a vicious right hook.
I prefer to use the vacuum cleaner with boxing gloves on
My waitress just asked “ Do you wanna box for your food?”
I told her “No I would rather wrestle for it”.
There was a locked metal box at an auction. The auctioneer said it was from the 1920’s and owned by really wealthy man. There could’ve been some really valuable stuff in it or it could just be empty. I didn’t want to bid anymore than $100 on it.
I thought it was a safe bet.
Why are cats considered mindful when their is an open gift box nearby?
Because they always live in the present.
Sonic would really love boxing
He’s a sucker for rings...
Why can't beggers be allowed in court for selection to the Jury box like any other non felon citizen?
Cuz, beggers can't be choosers!
I just threw away an entire box of animal crackers.
I had to because the seal was broken.
We were moving some boxes to my son's car, when he dropped a Scrabble game and the letters scattered everywhere. So I asked him...
"What's the word on the street?!"
I tripped over a box of Kleenex when coming home, needing an ER visit!
Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!
Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...
(At bosses funeral kneeling and whispering at coffin)
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?"
The orthopedic surgeon finally found his model of the human wrist behind an old box of golf tees
I guess you could say he couldn’t see the faux wrist for the tees.
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, “you wanna box for those leftovers?”
I replied, “No, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”
Waiter: do want a box for your leftovers?
Me: no. But I’ll wrestle you for them!
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
Do you want a box for your leftovers?
No, but I'll wrestle you over them.
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